In the event that you watched Bridgerton Season 3 in such a thirsty fluster that you barely clocked what was happening on screen, hi there. May we present a brief State of the Union about where we left the horny denizens of The Ton at the end of Part One.
Colin and Penelope Are Engaged
These two level up their friendship in the back seat of a carriage (Titanic car scene found shaking), where Colin declares his feelings and proceeds to ~pleasure~ Penelope amid some increasingly frantic violin music.
Truly who knew the violin could be so sexually tense?
^ Violins right now.
Colin proposes marriage after their carriage copulation, so it's all happening! The problem? Ahem:
Eloise Remains a Wild Card
Eloise "Not Like the Other Girls" Bridgerton ends the season alone on the margins of society (quite literally, she's on the sidelines of a dance) thanks to everyone prioritizing match-making over...literally anything else. Eloise's ongoing feud with Penelope means she no longer has a like-minded compatriot on off the dance floor, and her new frenemy Cressida Cowper cares more about landing Lord Debling than chatting about literature and tired social norms. Even more isolating? Eloise remains the only person who knows that Penelope is Lady Whistledown—and judging from the Bridgerton Season 3 Part 2 trailer, Pen's secret might not be safe for long:
Benedict Bridgerton Remains Horny
Our last glimpse of Benedict in Bridgerton's Part 1 finale? Naked in bed with Lady Tilley Arnold. He's living life!
Anthony and Kate Are ~Making an Heir~
They're married, they're in love, and they can't stop having sex on every available piece of furniture in the Bridgerton household. Someone do a wellness check on poor Newton, he has seen things!
Lady Danbury Has Family Drama
Lady Danbury's handsome (and eligible) brother Lord Anderson has entered the chat. But judging from the vibes in Episode 4, these two have history to say the least—and something tells us Lady Danbury won't be thrilled by Anderson's growing interest in Violet Bridgerton. Will Violet take a break from marrying off her children to focus on her own happiness? These are the questions that keep me up at night.
Everyone Wants Francesca Bridgerton
Francesca is in the middle of an extremely polite, some not me might say boring, love triangle involving the Marquis Samadani (who Queen Charlotte wants her to marry) and Earl John Stirling. Considering her positively giddy reaction to Stirling gifting her a piece of music at the end of Episode 4, looks like she's made her choice! But nothing is ever simple on this show, so lord knows Francesca will reluctantly find herself in the middle of drama when Bridgerton returns.
Mr. and Mrs. Mondrich Are Going Through It
Torn between their newly minted social status and their once-flourishing business, the couple end the mid-season at a crossroads: Mrs. Mondrich wants to fully enter society, while Mr. Mondrich refuses to give up his club.
So...what happens next? If you cant wait until June 14, which, understandable, you know what to do...read Romancing Mr. Bridgerton! Sure, half the characters we chat about here ^ are barely in the book, but you know what is? Polin spoilers. And a buncha hot regency sex ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
