“Love should not hurt you more than it heals you. Love should not confuse you. It should not make you feel like you are not good enough, it should not make you feel like you have to change in order to be worthy of it.” — Anonymous
I have had enough of my friend Sarah’s relationship. She has been stuck in toxic relationship for the last 11 months. No amount of advice makes her want to leave despite her despicable partner consistently gaslighting her for the last 10 months.
In the beginning we all thought Sam and Sarah were a match made in heaven. He made her so happy and did all the things any girl would want a significant other to do. We all approved of the relationship. However, things changed drastically as the months passed.
Sam gaslights Sarah.
I think the worst part about having a partner who gaslights you is the fact that they are not constantly evil. There are really great times within the relationship. I call them the “glimpses of hope”.
When someone genuinely loves you, there are very evident ways to know
Those “glimpses of hope” points in the relationship where the gaslighter makes their victim believe it was a lapse in judgment or character, and that things will be okay again soon enough. They never are.
Many times, abusive people that consistently gaslight their partners also have telltale signs:
…
How Can You Tell It Is Gaslighting?
“Gaslighting is an attempt to change the truth.” — Tracy Malone
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that can be very damaging to victims.
It causes them to feel like they are constantly walking on eggshells, and makes them question their own sanity.
Victims of gaslighting often feel isolated and alone, because they are made to feel as if they are the only ones who are experiencing these intense emotions. They may be told that they are “too sensitive” or “too emotional,” and their thoughts, feelings, and experiences are constantly dismissed or invalidated.
This can lead to victims feeling like they are losing their grip on reality.
They may even wonder if they are actually going crazy! In addition, victims of gaslighting often experience intense emotions that can mess with their mental, emotional, and physical health and wellbeing.
…
Here are 7 Intense Emotions You Will Feel As A Victim Of Gaslighting
1. Feeling like you are constantly walking on eggshells
“I would rather walk away from you than have to walk on eggshells around you.” — Unknown
According to psychology, constantly walking on eggshells is a common feeling among victims of gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the perpetrator tries to make their victim doubt their own perceptions and memories.
As a result, victims of gaslighting often second-guess themselves, constantly doubting their own judgment.
What you can do about this:
It can be difficult to feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells, but according to psychology, there are some steps you can take to improve your mindset.
- First and foremost, it is important to cultivate a sense of self-confidence and strength. This can be achieved by practicing meditation, mindfulness, and positive affirmations on a regular basis.
- Second, it is essential to build healthy relationships with those around you. When you surround yourself with supportive people who value honesty and open communication, you will naturally feel more at ease in your environment.
By focusing on these strategies, you can begin to break free from the mental chains that keep you feeling like you are stuck walking on eggshells every day. With time and effort, you will soon find yourself living a happier and more fulfilling life. So don’t give up — keep going strong!
…
2. Feeling isolated and alone
“Even being alone — it’s better than being with a lover and feeling lonely.” — Before Sunset
One of the most difficult things about being a victim of gaslighting is feeling isolated and alone.
When your thoughts, feelings, and experiences are constantly dismissed or invalidated, it can make you feel like you are the only one going through this.
This isolation can be incredibly damaging to your mental health, leading to feelings of hopelessness and despair.
What you can do about this:
If you are feeling isolated and alone, it is important to reach out for support.
There are many people who understand what you are going through and can offer helpful advice and guidance.
Additionally, there are numerous online resources available that can provide support and information. Remember, you are not alone in this — there is help available if you just know where to look.
…
3. Being told that you are “too sensitive” or “too emotional”
“Never apologize for being sensitive or emotional. It’s a sign you have a big heart and aren’t afraid for others to see it.” — Hellen Keller
Being a victim of gaslighting can be one of the most challenging and demoralizing experiences that anyone can go through.
When you are told over and over again that you are “too sensitive” or “too emotional,” it can be easy to start doubting yourself and your own perceptions of reality.
However, according to psychology, this kind of response is actually an effective tool used by manipulators and abusers to control their victims.
At first, it might not seem like such behavior is harmful. After all, no one wants to be seen as overly sensitive or too emotional, right?
But the truth is that gaslighting is a subtle form of psychological manipulation that works to undermine your sense of self-worth and confidence.
This can slowly erode your ability to trust yourself, making you more susceptible to further abuse in the future.
What you can do about this:
If you have been a victim of gaslighting, it is important not to lose hope.
While it may feel like the situation is hopeless and that you will never be able to trust yourself again, remember that with time, patience, and self-love, you can overcome this experience and learn how to stand up for yourself once more.
So don’t give up — keep fighting for what you know is right
…
4. Having your thoughts, feelings, and experiences constantly dismissed or invalidated
“Your feelings are valid. You have every right to feel whatever emotion you want. You aren’t being dramatic. You aren’t over exaggerating. You’re feeling.” — Anonymous
If you find yourself in a relationship where your thoughts, feelings, and experiences are constantly dismissed or invalidated, it may be time to take a closer look at the situation.
You could be a victim of gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that can have a devastating effect on its victims.
According to psychology, gaslighting is defined as “a type of manipulation through persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying in an attempt to destabilize and delegitimize a target.”
In other words, gaslighting is when someone tries to make you question your reality in order to control you.
What you can do about this:
If you think you might be a victim of gaslighting, it’s important to reach out for help.
Talk to a trusted friend or family member about what’s going on. You can also seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. Remember, you are not alone and there is help available.
…
5. Feeling like you are losing your grip on reality
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” — Lucille Ball
When you are a victim of gaslighting, it can feel like you are losing your grip on reality.
This phenomenon is defined in psychology as a deliberate manipulation of the environment and of other people in order to distort someone’s perception of reality.
People who engage in this type of behavior tend to undermine or outright deny their victims’ own perceptions, thoughts, and feelings, leading the victim to question their own sanity and self-worth.
However, it is important to remember that you are not alone. Even though gaslighting may make you feel lost and confused, there are many others out there who have experienced the same thing.
What you can do about this:
According to psychology experts, the most effective way to deal with gaslighting is to reach out for support from family members and friends who can help you process your feelings and regain your sense of self-assurance.
With their love and support, you can learn to trust yourself again and feel empowered as you move forward in your journey.
So don’t give up hope — with love and determination, you will overcome this trying time.
…
6. Wondering if you are actually going crazy
“You are not crazy. You are awake in an insane world. For that exact reason, crazy people will call you crazy.” — Unknown.
When you are a victim of gaslighting, it can be easy to question your own sanity and start to believe that the lies that are being fed to you are actually true.
But according to psychology experts, these feelings are a common symptom of gaslighting, and they are an important signal that something is definitively not right in your relationship.
Recognizing the signs of gaslighting is the first step toward regaining your sense of self and reclaiming your agency.
Some key indicators include feeling like your opinions and perspectives aren’t valued or respected, constantly second-guessing yourself, and feeling generally confused or insecure about what is actually happening in your relationship.
What you can do about this:
If you are experiencing any or all of these symptoms, take heart — there is hope for healing.
By connecting with trusted friends or family members who can offer a listening ear and support, and setting boundaries with your partner, you can begin to reclaim control over your own life and come back from the darkness of gaslighting.
So don’t give up on yourself — you are strong, capable, and worthy of peace and happiness! You got this.
…
7. Feeling like you can never be good enough
“You are good enough.” —Elizabeth Kasujja
I really like this article because of how much it resonated with me
When you are a victim of gaslighting, it is easy to feel like you can never be good enough.
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where someone makes you question your reality, so you start doubting yourself. As a result, you may feel like you can never be good enough.
If this is something you’re experiencing, it’s important to remember that you are not alone. There are people who care about you and who will support you. You are also not responsible for the gaslighter’s actions.
What you can do about this:
The most important thing is to focus on taking care of yourself. This may mean reaching out to a therapist or counselor who can help you process what you’re going through.
You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and you will get through this.
Final Thoughts
All of these emotions are perfectly normal when you have been the victim of gaslighting.
Remember that it is not your fault and that you are not alone. There is help available if you need it. Reach out to a friend, family member, therapist, or support group today.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that causes victims to question their own sanity. The abuser will constantly make the victim feel like they are going crazy, and that their thoughts and feelings are not valid.
If you are currently in a relationship with someone who gaslights you, remember, that you can end the relationship or establish stronger boundaries. You deserve to be treated with respect and love, not manipulation and cruelty.
“My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing the beauty of life once more. It’s happened before, it will happen again, I’m sure. When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive–I’ll find love again.” ― Paulo Coelho
Trust your instincts and seek out support from loved ones or mental health professionals. Remember, you are not alone and you are not crazy.
With time and effort, you will be able to rebuild your confidence and reclaim your life.
I wish you loads of love and happiness and freedom from gaslighting in your relationships.
…
And now your thoughts…
What is your experience with gaslighting? Please share with me in the comments section.
…
Thank you for reading.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
—
Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com
How is it that “gaslighting” became such a common term in the last 10 years or so? Are there more people now who are intentionally trying to manipulate people they disagree with? It seems more likely the term is being misused any time people are involved in disputes. It could therefore be a form of denialism and labeling someone else as a gas lighter prevents being labeled as crazy.