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We all know someone who says the word “whatever.” Many assume that the word exists in the domain of teenage girls. Alicia Silverstone and her mean-girl friends in the movie Clueless may have put that assumption in our heads. Not so fast. Everyone uses the cursed word. Men and women. In every age group. In every region of the world. It might be expressed in different ways. But it’s there. For men, “whatever” can be expressed in several ways and send other messages. Most likely, the message is not a good one.
Year after year, the word whatever is named one of the most annoying words in use. It ranks up there with ‘like” and the phrase “at the end of the day” But in surveys I’ve taken when asked, do you know someone who uses the word whatever? 100% say they do.
When I ask whether you say the word, whatever. Only 60% say they do. They lie. Men say “whatever,” too.
Why do we say the word?
Decision-making is hard. And there are just too many of them. Decisions can be fraught with stress, analysis, and problems and can be life-changing. So we get weary of making decisions.
Most of us avoid the “whatever” word for the big decisions. But all the research points to the fact that there are not really that many big decisions in our lives.
Decisions about careers, marriage, children, geography, faith, college, and even whether or not to get a dog are big decisions. But note I didn’t list more than ten, and I challenge you to name more than ten big decisions you will face. The small decisions matter too. Researchers found that we make about 35,000 decisions in a day.
What happens when you say the word?
The short answer is nothing good. The first thing that happens is you announce to the world: I am a slacker. I am helpless. I am lazy. I am incapable of making a decision. You get the idea. It’s not good.
The second thing happening is that you are not making a decision when you say whatever. Not making that decision, no matter how small, might be a bigger problem than you think.
Not everyone says “whatever.” Based on interviews and observations, I have learned the traits of people who don’t say anything. First, and most importantly, when intentions are clear, so are decisions. If you intend to stay in shape, you decide to take the stairs instead of the elevator.
Men who avoid “whatever” are self-aware. Decisions can be made based on who they are and how any decision plays out in their world. Lastly, a key trait of effective decision-makers is a willingness to take risks.
So take the lesson and stop saying the word. When a man says “whatever,” the message that’d delivered can mean any of the following:
- I don’t care. The most widespread usage of the word involves some version of “I don’t care.” “Whatever” can be a synonym for: I don’t give a damn. Just shut up. It’s not important. Go jump in the lake (and worse, usually involving the F-word). The “I don’t care” element of “whatever” can hurt you at home and work. It’s a passive-aggressive flip-off.
- You make the decision for me . . . I will blame you later. This usage is often employed when none of the choices are very good. For example, at work, it can come in handy when people are making tough decisions, and you can second guess them with what you think is a better choice later.
- Leave me alone. If I knew the answer, I would tell you. But, unfortunately, this “whatever” message is almost always delivered with arms folded across the chest and a defiant but silent look. In this case, “whatever” is a double whammy, with no connections between people and no choice.
- I am not listening. When you look at your phone or any other distraction instead of listening, you say, “Whatever.” But the lack of a response means that someone else is making the decision, whether you like it or not.
- Of all the options presented, none are good for me. \ Pick your best one. Sometimes we need to choose the best option even if we think none are perfect. A big set of apathetic people can lead to an awful overall result. So decisions often involve choosing the least bad option.
- I am pissed off and will hold you responsible. This option can be expressed through angry silence or yelling, “Whatever.” The result is that no one is happy. The situation can often occur while talking to yourself on the way home after a bad day at work.
- I will fill the air with this throwaway word. Words that fill the air with no content are numerous, and we probably don’t hear them. Silence can be a better response at work than saying “whatever,” which can label you as a slacker. In fact, not saying anything is a choice; silence is not “whatever.”
- I am a victim. It’s common and conveys, “I am helpless in this situation.” We are not helpless, but saying “whatever” makes us so. Victim or not, saying “whatever” will keep you in the victim box. Those with the victim mentality are not fun to be around.
- I hate you. This definition doesn’t require much of an explanation. When this is the use case, the word is articulated like a snarl or a spit. Depending on the situation, “whatever” can use as the middle finger to convey your feelings.
- That’s good enough. A “good enough” attitude will appear in the next performance review. Consider all the problems that could be corrected if the “that’s good enough, “whatever” approach didn’t exist.
- Resignation. This definition might be the most dangerous and disappointing. The resigned mentality is often expressed as “It is what it is; I give up.” Maybe you can decide not to resign yourself to the situation and change it instead. We can do better.
Some Simple Tools to Avoid “Whatever”
Look for the way that decision-making works for you. Everyone has a different perspective. Some men are likely to say, “I’ve learned to always follow my gut, and that seems to work.” Yes, it can work, but there’s a caveat. Your gut needs to be informed. You can’t say, I think I will try this bungee jump if your gut doesn’t know you are afraid of heights. Steve Jobs was notorious for making decisions based on his gut. But his gut was based on countless hours of understanding the nuances of tech and products.
Our world is governed by algorithms these days, and that technique can work for you too. Just copy what Google and Amazon, and Facebook do. It’s not complicated – create an If and then equation. If I do this, then that is likely to happen.
Lists of Pros and cons always work. Remember, it is not meant to be a balance beam. We bought a house once based on a pro that we liked, the wallpaper in the bathroom. The cons that the house needed a new roof and a new foundation were ignored.
Pattern recognition is always helpful. If you have a sense of déjà vu when faced with a choice. You should have learned something from the other times you made the decision.
My favorite might be to consult with your personal board of directors. That’s the group you consult with when faced with a choice in real-time and ask yourself what would so and so do? For example, my own board includes Paul Newman and Michelle Obama. I never met either one, but I respect their lives and style.
Things I Know
Small decisions matter, and the enemy of small decisions is the “whatever” word. Men who are most satisfied with their lot in life avoid the word. Regrets will happen. Most likely, any regrets you have resulted from decisions you don’t make.
Finally, rejoice. Eliminating one little word can change our lives and lift our souls. Never say “whatever.”
Richard A. Moran is a renowned business leader, author, and consultant. He hosts “In the Workplace,” a popular radio program on KCBS Radio in San Francisco that discusses workplace issues, reaching over a million listeners weekly. He is also an Influencer on LinkedIn and known for his expertise in workplace management. His latest book, Never Say Whatever, explores how small decisions can make a big difference.
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photos: main [iStock], inset [author]