Dating is confusing AF and these romantic paradoxes are a big reason why.
Once you understand why these 7 paradoxes exist, you’ll find it easier to navigate your relationships in a positive way.
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1. The Desire Paradox
Hollywood doesn’t show this paradox.
In most romance movies, the nice guy wins over his crush by showing how much he cares.
In reality, these men are often regarded as desperate or needy.
Women want to date men who are equals. Overwhelming them with gifts, compliments and favors indicates that you’re not seeing them as equal.
You may think it’s the man’s job to make something happen and push a relationship forward.
But he should never exceed her level of investment.
If you invest more than she does, it’s only going to push her further away.
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2. The Favors Paradox
You can take her to the fanciest five-star restaurant and buy her a dozen roses every day.
But you’ll often put women off if it seems like you’re trying to buy her affection. Plus, you’ll be setting a high standard for the women who stay.
If a five-star restaurant and a dozen roses really makes her happy, it’ll feel like a downgrade when you buy one rose and take her to Red Lobster.
This is partly why I say that coffee dates make for great first dates.
It takes the attention away from what you can buy for a woman and puts the focus on the conversation. Then, when you buy her a rose in a few months, she may well be ecstatic.
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3. The Respect Paradox
It might feel like a good idea to ask your woman where she wants to go on a date. If you do exactly what she wants, you might think she’ll like you more.
But are you confident enough to set up a great date on your own? Maybe not all the time, but at least sometimes. At least early on.
Another example is when a woman tells you to buy her drink. Do it and she may often lose respect.
The same goes if she tells you to take her for a fancy three-course dinner. She may accept the free food but she’s unlikely to want to see you again.
It’s up to you to set your personal boundaries and stick to them. If you let her decide all the boundaries, the relationship won’t last very long.
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4. The Paradox of Fear
A lot of men are scared to approach a woman and ask her out on a date.
Some might be nervous to call out a woman or stand up for themselves in the scenarios just mentioned.
However, in my years of learning to improve my flirting, one mantra has always proved helpful.
If it scares me, I’ve got to do it.
The fear is simply telling you: “This is a situation that counts.”
And in these situations, it’s nearly always necessary to take positive action.
Sure, you might be afraid of it not working out.
But if you do nothing, you’ll usually end up getting the same result anyway.
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5. The Paradox Of Choice
The more choice we have, the harder we find it to make a decision. We’re also less likely to be satisfied with what we chose. This has been proven by several scientific studies.
And it’s messing with our dating lives.
Women are overwhelmed with romantic choices thanks to dating apps. But it’s not bringing them any closer to finding a great partner.
Even when they find someone they like, they’re more likely to feel unsure that they’ve made the best decision.
They might suffer from ‘grass is greener’ syndrome even after they’ve found someone great. Perhaps they’ll discount a man because of an ultimately meaningless imperfection.
But, of course, nobody’s perfect. So, unless they want to be alone forever, they’ll need to find a way to settle for a man who’s ‘good enough’.
Few men experience a great abundance of choice in this era of digital dating. But if you’re one of them, you’ll need to be aware of this paradox too.
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6. The Promiscuity Paradox
If you haven’t had sex in a while, the thought of a hot naked woman might be all you can think about.
The idea of bedding a new woman every night might sound like a dream life at this point.
And that’s why dating coaches often sell this dream to potential clients.
But the truth is: once you can access this level of abundance, it becomes less appealing.
Sex is not dissimilar to food or water in that sense.
You should aspire to build yourself and learn how to attract women consistently. But only so you can stop worrying about it.
Because then, you can begin to focus on more profound goals than getting laid.
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7. The Paradox Of Love
The pursuit of love would appear to be one of the most meaningful in this world.
There have been millions of songs, books and movies written just about this.
Yet, the sad fact is that all love ends in heartbreak. You’ll either break up, die or witness your partner’s death.
So, why do we put so much energy into this pursuit?
I’d argue it’s because love is still worth the inevitable pain. It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
Hopefully, this realization will help you recover from the heartbreaks of your life.
Instead of being sad it’s over, be thankful it happened.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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