When I talk to men about modern dating, there is something that is consistently growing: frustration.
Some men have checked out and want nothing to do with navigating today’s dating scene.
I understand that times have changed and dating has become harder to navigate, but there is no reason to give up.
As modern dating changes, you have to learn to shift with it.
It is one of the many truths to accept and have no choice to change.
While many truths come with dating today, you have more power to change the outcome than you think.
The game will always be the game, and you cannot sit on the sidelines complaining about it.
You have more power than you think, and it is time to accept today’s truths but create a system to stay ahead of the pack.
I want you to win. Others will hit you with a soft and gentle approach, but I will always be blunt. Today’s dating game is a competition. Compete and stay in the game.
Once you accept these truths, learn how to navigate them, and follow a system so you can win, you can leave everyone else on the sideline.
Option 1, 2, or 3
I recently wrote an article, “3 Reasons Men aren’t Attracted To Modern Independent Women,” Where I highlighted that men today are tired of feeling like they’re an option.
You can go to the comment section and see how that blew up.
When men and women hear the word option, two different bells go off in their heads.
When men feel like they’re an option, they don’t feel valued, and they have no special place in a woman’s life.
When (“some,” so I don’t get attacked in the comments again) women hear option, it alleviates them from feeling trapped.
I am not here to argue who is right or whose wrong, but I will tell you to acknowledge that you are an option in women’s eyes.
Back in the day, when men played their options, we got called all sorts of names. That is not the case for women today.
I want you to resist getting discouraged at the idea that you are an option, and I want you to understand why and know how to navigate it.
Guys, you are only an option until you are the best option.
Again, this is not some soft article where I pat you on the back and tell you everything will be ok.
You are not a guy who came up on a diamond in the rough and somehow the only object in her orbit.
There are objects (other men, girl-time, social events, alone time) you have to out “option,” and that’s the harsh truth.
Easy peasy lemon squeezy
When you understand that women can run their options, it snowballs into the following truth.
Men think that women have all the advantages in dating.
They’re consistently getting attention, have all the advantages when they’re on dating apps, and have various avenues to date.
Well, guess what, you’re right. But not completely.
A shift is happening that people are not noticing.
The problem is not that women have an advantage in the dating market. They have always had the lead.
The problem is that women are dealing with choice overload and don’t notice it.
You see choice overload and feel like it’s a personal indictment on you and your value.
It is a double-edged sword.
Today’s women hear that there is no rush, they have time, they have options, they can express their sexuality, date multiple men, be celibate, go on dates for fun, etc.
Guess what? Everything above is true.
That doesn’t mean it is a magical dating life of rainbows and roses.
Choice overload often results in not choosing at all.
52 week high
Some men feel like they have lost value and don’t have a place in the dating market today.
The irony is that the exact opposite is true.
Men, your value is at an all-time high, but there are things you have to do to set yourself apart.
Men see a message in the media today that is a false narrative. You “have to be a top 20% man, 6 foot tall, etc.”
Are some of these preferences alive in the dating market today? Yes.
You don’t have to fill the image of what you see spread across social media today.
Think about it. What is the effect of social media? It highlights a subset of people and tries to propel an image that everyone has to fulfill.
The truth is that most women don’t care about any of it.
They want to see a sense of direction and goals you want to achieve and a vision that they can join.
They want to feel safe and secure because they chose the best option in a man they can trust.
It is not more complicated than that.
I urge you to stop trying to display an image of something and someone that you are not at your core.
I also urge you to get in the game. It doesn’t matter what your ambitions and passions are in life. There is a way to maximize your potential within that field.
You become a top-tier, high-value man when you are a mover.
A mover is always aware of the next opportunity to maximize their strengths.
Your peak value is becoming the version of yourself that is never stagnant, twiddling your thumbs and waiting for an opportunity to come to you.
…
You have two options. Get in the game or complain and stay the same.
The choice is yours.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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