Respond to prefers-color-scheme dark in app web views

Follow section front redirects in Spectrum

Enable NLP source in PCS for load testing

Switch off the News Alerts Survey Widget when we have enough responses

Poll to determine if new LUF updates are available

Allows the winning A/B test variant to be turned on without Spectrum deployment

Show infinite scrolling sections in Assembler MultiView

Show option for NLP article summaries in Action Bar

A general feature flag for Recipe Features that aren't yet released

Feature flag for media team features that aren't yet released

Use new Orca video player for preroll plugin in Spectrum

Show the snow tracker (instead of the heat tracker) on Spectrum

Cat climbed into Amazon return box, found alive 630 miles away

Brave Little Hunter is free: Baby orca escapes lagoon for open seas

I learned to heal my sadness by cradling dying chickens 

That time football legend, rig-driving eligible bachelor Biden was arrested

Trump and allies say Biden pays rent for ‘illegals’ in Michigan. Not true.

Eighty percent of Ukraine-Israel bill will be spent in U.S. or by U.S. military

Stephen A. Smith would like even more of your attention

Wait, what is Stephen A. Smith talking about? Find out with our quiz.

Local sports networks go dark mid-game amid dispute with Comcast 

Miss Manners: Offering my bedroom to guests

Carolyn Hax: Will request for a postnup offend much younger wife?

Ask Amy: My wife’s sister confessed her feelings for me

World Press Freedom Day, 2024

Democrats hope move to reschedule marijuana will help them in November

Trevor Williams’s escape act helps Nationals blank Rangers 

How to make the most of Passport DC’s free embassy tours

Dose of adversity gives Dylan Crews a new perspective in Class AA

Biden’s internet-for-all program needs Musk’s help

The tech billionaires who helped ban TikTok want to write AI rules for Trump

Microsoft’s “responsible AI” chief worries about the open web

What makes a great Met Gala outfit

Police march toward Columbia University gate

Adaptive adventures are making national parks more inclusive

Southwest passengers now get a $75 voucher for big flight disruptions

Man arrested at Yellowstone for allegedly kicking bison while drunk

Taxes are inevitable. Paying to prepare them doesn’t have to be.

A murder plot that cannot be ignored: India must come clean at last

How to confront antisemitism, deal with protests — and respect free speech

Blinded in battle, these Ukrainian soldiers will never see their new babies 

Chinese EVs are good for the world. Biden says they’re bad for America. 

Middle East conflict live updates: Blinken urges Hamas to accept deal, says pier for aid close to completion

Trump hush money trial live updates: Stormy Daniels’s lawyer testifies

Nick Galifianakis

Hi, Carolyn: From what I can tell, all the following are the wrong reasons to have kids: 1. To keep a relationship together. (It could make it worse.) 2. To have someone to take care of you in old age. (That gives them a role they didn’t ask for.) 3. To make your parents happy. (It’s your life, not theirs.) 4. To copy your friends. (That’s immature.) 5. To give yourself a life purpose. (You shouldn’t make new people to feel purposeful; get a hobby.) Etc.

So what are the right reasons? Do they actually exist? The only one left that stands up to scrutiny seems to be, “Because I wanted to,” but that actually feels like it’s WORSE — it has LESS substance than some of the others, which I think we all agree are garbage.

Right Reasons?: Well, no, it’s not WORSE, because wanting children is an inner motivation, whereas your “wrong reasons” are mostly external — plus, to a child, being wanted doesn’t just have substance. It’s the most precious substance there is.

Plus, the parental wanting-to can be a desire to give love. (And receive, but no guarantees there for sure.)

The wall you seem to be hitting is that children can’t ask to be born — so parents are always making that momentous decision for them. Even if you personally are sooo grateful to your parents for having you, that doesn’t mean you have the standing to assume your child will feel the same way.

I’ve written an advice column at The Post since 1997. If you want advice, you can <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/advice/2024/03/04/carolyn-hax-ask-question/" target=_blank>send me your questions here</a> (believe it or not, every submission gets read). If you don’t want to miss a column, you can <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/newsletters/carolyn-hax/?method=SURL&location=ART&initiative=CONTEXT" target=_blank>sign up for my daily newsletter</a>. I also do a live chat with readers every Friday: You can <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/advice/carolyn-hax-discussions/" target=_blank>submit a question in advance or join me live</a>. Follow me on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/haxadvice" target=_blank>Facebook</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/carolynhaxadvice/" target=_blank>Instagram</a>.

In that sense, you’re on to something. Having a child is always presumptuous.

And there are people who choose not to have children for that reason — they’re not comfortable foisting life on anyone. In some cases, they themselves feel their parents were selfish in choosing to have them. If your beliefs are along these lines, then I think that supersedes — for you, at least — anyone else’s “right” reasons. Either you’re comfortable with the fundamental presumptuousness of conceiving children, or you adopt, foster or don’t become a parent at all.

But I’m following your logic thread here; there’s also the logic of the innate. Just because we have the intellect to override some of our drives doesn’t mean instinct is completely corrupt.

It’s good to challenge our defaults, yes. And I not only want my big decisions to include some moral calculation and situational awareness tempering any visceral drives, but also hope the same of the people on the highway with me. Literally and figuratively.

So for the people who are pro-life in an actual sense, vs. an overreaching forced-birth sense, here’s what I would call a good reason to have kids: a yearning for family life, with all the risks, rewards and wild cards that entails — plus the means to provide for any children in your care, plus a belief the children you add to the world are, for lack of a better way to phrase it, justifiable.

Besides verging on self-parody, that last part also is so malleable as to be meaningless. Each of us can define “justifiable” to suit our own needs.

But people have strong opinions, you may have noticed. And unless we want other people’s strong opinions to determine what happens in our bodies — vs. trusting ourselves and our own yearnings, or lack thereof — we must also give others room to decide for themselves.

Carolyn Hax started her Washington Post advice column in 1997, after five years on the Style desk and none as a therapist. The column includes cartoons by "relationship cartoonist" Nick Galifianakis — Carolyn's ex-husband — and appears in dozens of newspapers.

Carolyn Hax

washpost

Carolyn Hax: Does the ‘right’ reason to have kids actually exist?

the-washington-post

For The Washington Post

The Washington Post

staff

Comics page

Ask Amy

Ask Elaine

Ask Sahaj

Miss Manners

Parenting Advice

Work Advice

Advice

prism://prism.query/site,/lifestyle/advice&limit=20

The Washington Post's Advice and Relationships section brings you the best advice and etiquette on topics ranging from work to dating to parenting. Other features include Date Lab, etiquette blogs and chats and parenting stories.

prism://prism.query/site-articles-only,/lifestyle&limit=20

Lifestyle

Washington Post Lifestyle gives you the latest fashion and beauty trends, home d&eacute;cor pointers, food and recipe ideas and reviews, relationship advice, travel ideas, wellness tips and much more.