‘Abigail’ review: ‘Swan Lake’ meets ‘Dracula’ in bloody horror movie

Movie review

If ever a movie was critic-proof, it is “Abigail,” the new horror film from the directing team that calls itself Radio Silence (Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett) about a murderous preteen ballerina vampire. So I attended not because I thought anyone would care what I thought — surely the audience for blood-drenched movies about murderous preteen ballerina vampires knows who they are without needing my help — but because I was curious about the logistics involved in being a ballerina vampire. Would it be difficult to take class because of the distractions created by bloody blisters in pointe shoes? Is it hard to get blood out of a tutu? Would “Swan Lake” even make sense, because wouldn’t a vampire swan-turned-human be unable to resist biting herself?

None of these questions are answered, alas, in “Abigail,” a movie that doesn’t concern itself much with logic. Basically, we have a crew of kidnappers of varying intelligence levels (you can, almost immediately, guess the first one who’s going to be bloodily bumped off) who snatch the 12-year-old ballerina daughter (Alisha Weir) of a wealthy underworld figure and hold her for ransom overnight. Because this is a movie, the overnight stay takes place in an enormous Gothic mansion full of doors that slam shut, scary elevators that look like cages, and opportunities for people to be separated from their heads. And — fun plot twist! — the kidnappers do not know at first that this angelic-looking bunheaded kiddo is actually a vampire. “A ballerina vampire,” says one of them pointedly, in case we didn’t get it. At least she still had her head.

If you have seen the trailer for “Abigail,” you already know everything that’s going to happen in this movie, other than that we learn that ballerina vampires, in bloody pursuit of their prey, will often take a moment to execute a lovely pirouette mid-swoop. (This is not particularly efficient, vampire business-wise, but it’s picturesque.) The cast — which includes Dan Stevens, in case you want to hear Cousin Matthew of “Downton Abbey” talking like a second-string Gotham City villain — does its best with lines like “What do we know about vampires?” (short answer: not much). Most important: The volume of bloodletting is undeniably impressive and frequently explosive, and the filmmakers effectively employ a lot of creepy remixes of the “Swan Lake” theme. Should there be a sequel — and vampires never truly die, right? — here’s hoping Abigail brings some swan friends with her next time.