If you follow my work, you know I’ve been trying really hard to get over a man. I’m all in. I’m committed. I’m trying to make it happen. But it feels like the Universe is telling me something else.
Before I tell you what the Universe is saying…
Let me delve into some past cosmos.
It was a hot summer day and my wedding ring was bothering me. I took it off, and placed it with the change in the ashtray of my car. I was sitting at a light when I looked in my rearview mirror. A van was racing toward me.
It rear-ended me, and threw me into the intersection.
Later, I looked for my wedding band.
I turned that vehicle upside down. I had it detailed. My gold band meant more to me than my diamond band. A week before we were married, the jeweler said he couldn’t get the diamonds before our ceremony.
I picked out a thick gold band instead.
It held the sentimental value, not the sparkler that eventually followed it.
I never found my ring.
It didn’t make sense. My car windows had been closed because the air conditioning was on. I couldn’t help but have one thought. My marriage was failing. It was a wreck, but I still couldn’t leave my husband.
“Okay, I get it,” I remember thinking. “Even the Universe is telling me it’s over. Move on. Leave him.”
Fast forward to my overly long divorce.
I’m out with a friend.
I meet a man.
He’s seems like a nice guy. My friend keeps pushing me his way. She tells me it’s time for me to date. She thinks he’s sexy on account of his work with one of the three letter agencies.
I live outside of Washington, D.C. so you can use your imagination.
He’s with one of the more covert agencies.
“What’s your name?” I ask.
He answers me. Okay, I think. Not a big deal, so what if it’s the same name as my soon to be ex-husband. It’s a common name. No biggie.
“Where are you from,” I say.
Okay, I think. Again, not a big deal. So what if it’s the same state my soon to be ex-husband is from.
“What city?” I say.
Okay, I think, Again, not a big deal. So what if it’s the exact same town where I met my soon to be ex-husband during college. Lots of people are from Scranton, Pennsylvania.
But they’re NOT.
Or should I say, if they are, I’ve only met four of them since graduation.
Now I’m holding my breath.
“Did you happen to go to the University of Scranton?” I say.
Sure, maybe this man grew up there but that doesn’t mean he went to college there. But you guessed it. He did go to what we affectionately refer to as ‘The U.”
There’s only one question left to ask.
“What year did you graduate?” I say.
His answer sends me toward the door.
“Where are you going?” says my friend. “Don’t leave. I told you that guy is so cute. You should keep talking to him.”
“Look,” I say. “Either God has a wicked sense of humor, or he’s saying ‘Danger, Will Robinson.’ I’m not going anywhere near that.”
The first guy that I entertain the thought of seeing, has my soon to be ex-husband’s first name, is from the same state, was raised in the city where we met, went to my husband’s college, AND graduated the exact same year.
The Universe had spoken.
Don’t do it…move on.
Far be it from me, not to listen.
Back to my present cosmos.
Like I said, I’m trying to move on. I’m trying really hard to forget a guy. Worse, to not think about him every day. I’ve developed strategies. It’s kind of working and kind of not.
About a month ago, I meet a woman.
She’s newly married.
“How did you meet your second husband?” I ask.
“Oh,” she says. “It’s kind of funny but we met at my pool.”
Okay, I think. That’s sort of random. I met my 5-week guy, Bud Light guy at my pool. It’s definitely not the first place that comes to mind when meeting a man.
If it were a Family Feud question, I doubt it would register on the board.
Can you hear Steve Harvey?
“Where did you meet your significant other?”
And the board says…
In high school/college, through a friend, at work, at a bar, or online. I don’t think the board is going to say pool.
Anyway…
The other day I was out walking.
It’s another one of my forget a man strategies. Put the AirPods in and listen to music. Distract myself. Turn a negative into a positive. Lose a man, lose some weight.
I run into a beautiful girl.
I’d seen her a few nights before, and had forgotten initially meeting her.
“I’m so sorry,” I say. “I feel terrible that I didn’t remember meeting you. I hope you don’t think I was rude. I’ve been out a lot these past months, and I’ve met more people than normal.”
“It’s okay,” she says sweetly. “I met you on Labor Day at our pool.”
“Again,” I say. “I’m so sorry.”
As I walk away, I’m dumbfounded.
I might forget someone’s name. I might forget exactly where we met. But I don’t forget people. Yet I have no memory of meeting her, let alone on the same day I met my 5-week guy, Bud Light guy, and pool guy.
I do a few more laps around my town center.
It’s dusk.
A couple waves at me from across the street.
As they get closer, I recognize them. But I can’t remember from where. To be fair, I’m a little distracted and off my game.
“How are you?” they say.
“Oh my gosh,” I say. “I know you guys but I can’t remember where from.”
“Oh,” says the girl. “We’re your pool friends.”
“Oh,” I say. “That’s right but I haven’t seen you guys in ages.”
I had met them a few weeks before Labor Day. They were at our pool and a lot of fun. I ran into them one more time but I hadn’t seen them in about six months.
I walk away from them.
What’s with all the pool talk? It’s April. I’m not even thinking about bikinis and bellinis yet. And for the record, pool talk is like trash talking to me right now.
Because.
I feel like I’m trying really hard to get over a man.
But…
The Universe is telling me something else.
Maybe I’m not meant to.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: Bart LaRue on Unsplash