Sipping ginger tea (with the words on the tea bag- “Accept Who You Are in This Moment But Acknowledge Who You Want to Become”) from a mug that reads Life Is Good, that was given to me as a birthday gift years ago, by a dear friend. It is in regular rotation with others that are perched over my stove. Two have the words love and joy inscribed on them. Another was given to me by my son and daughter-in-law before my granddaughter was born. Back then, my 2-year-old grandson was really into Baby Shark and the song was on repeat a gazillion times a day in their house. It has a Dean shark, a Bubbe shark (Bubbe is Yiddish for grandmother) and a generic baby shark, since we didn’t know that Lucy was going to be the newest leaf on our family tree.
The tag on the tea bag was particularly timely since I had been musing about the topic of this week’s article. Sometimes inspiration comes in dreams and last night was no exception. I wanted to write about my evolution since the pandemic. It felt like time to take inventory. We are often so busy making it day to day that moments turn to days and then weeks and then months and then years and before we know it, we are closer to the end of our lives than the beginning. I’m there. At 65, I marvel at the people I have met, the experiences I have had and the changes I have made, sometimes consciously, sometimes incidentally. These days, I prefer conscious choices.
I was having lunch yesterday with a friend I haven’t seen since pre-pandemic. I still measure life by that metric, calling it ‘the before times’. We have both mellowed and become more accepting of what is, since then. I can’t speak for her, but I know that I am less of a social butterfly than I had been, content to cozy up at home with a blanket and a movie, or listening to music as I am right now. My home has been my haven and I get to decide who to invite in to bask in its color and vibrance and warmth and welcome. I am rarely lonely since my life is filled with wonderful people with whom I can commune. In prior years, I was on the road a lot, traveling to visit friends at a distance or to facilitate workshops. I felt an overwhelming need to be center stage, seen and affirmed. I was granted these wise words many years ago, “Attract, don’t pursue.” At first I resisted mightily. How could the Universe provide what I want if I didn’t declare it and claim it actively?
What I learned is that after seed planting and taking positive action, comes surrender. It would be lovely if everything happened on my schedule, but it doesn’t. I love the idea of instantaneous manifestation of my wishes, but patience is often the key. I have submitted two articles to other sites for which I have written for years and am waiting for them to publish. Not patiently waiting, admittedly. I am obviously not their only author, so I need to let go of outcome and know that they will show up not a minute sooner or later than they do. When I contemplate the successes in my life, I know that sometimes they have taken years to manifest and sometimes seem to arrive at the speed of thought. I am learning to trust in Divine timing.
Even though I have checked off some bucket list items, including interviewing the Dalai Lama, doing a TEDx talk, writing a book and traveling to Ireland, there is still at least one more I want to do before my time comes to leave this incarnation. I have another book brewing in my mental tea cup about my Hugmobster experiences. I have been telling myself that if I could have a year’s worth of salary, I could focus full time on writing and getting the book published.
So, who am I in the moment?
The labels that describe me are- social worker, therapist, interfaith minister, journalist, speaker, PR and marketing professional and book author…but then, that’s just my bio. I am also a friend, lover of the world, mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, sister, aunt, cousin, daughter and granddaughter, but then those are about my relationships. I am a vibrant life force, a healer, a communicator, a hugger, a spiritual being, a world changer, heart opener and mind expander. All of these attribute are who I am and who I want to become, all the more.
What kind of person do you want to be when you are old? No one will answer that they want to be half aware, lost in thought, and missing life, but the things you practice doing with your attention now, will be what you are then.
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— iStock image
