Alright, guys, you’re in luck because you don’t have to read this article to get the scoop. The reason you didn’t get a second date is because the first one sucked.
While I hope it’s clear that I am kidding, some dealbreakers occurred right in front of your face, and you didn’t even notice.
There are more avenues to dating than ever, and while it sounds like it would make it easier for men, it isn’t the outcome you see.
What does that mean?
You get to boil on the inside and grow more hate for the dating market.
Again, it better be clear that I am kidding.
I decided that this is men’s help month. We’re breaking down some modern-day dating struggles men are dealing with and paving a new path forward.
One problem I see men struggling with is getting a first date and retaining a second one.
“I thought it was going well. I had a good time.”
I am sure YOU did.
There are multiple pieces to the puzzle, and I want to put you in a position to make the picture come together.
Let’s look at what women are noticing and improvements putting you in a better position moving forward.
Robotics
I want to get the most apparent and simple one out of the way.
It should work both ways, but nothing makes a woman lose interest faster than the robot date.
The robot date goes as follows: I ask you a question that generates a one-word answer, pause, you ask me the same question back, and I give you a one-word answer, then we go to the next question.
Guys, I got bored typing that.
How do we change that and add a little more juice?
There are two general actions you need to implement. Be playful, and questions have to lead to a story.
Yes, you want to ask basic questions like where she’s from but follow up with a light jab.
“Oh, you’re from Wisconsin? Alright, one cheese board on the way with the next round of drinks.”
“Oh, you’re from Texas? So that must mean…”
These help direct the dialogue into a woman voluntarily opening up about her upbringing and the stories that lead to meaningful conversation.
While these are quick examples, the goal is to build on the initial question. For example, You will find what attracted the woman to a new city or kept her in her hometown.
The result will end in her providing information instead of you asking for it.
Open book
The easiest way for a date to go is that you talk too much, or when you are talking, you overshare.
There will be people who disagree, but fellas, the first date has to be about her.
I don’t mean that you sit there and provide nothing about yourself, but I am telling you that a first date is less about building her attraction than it is about not messing it up.
Listen to what girls say when a date doesn’t go well. Rarely do you ever hear that the person wasn’t as attractive as they were in pictures (dating apps). Women generally say, “he wouldn’t stop talking about x.”
Women don’t need to hear about how awesome Q2 was financially, your gym routine, or the most glaring mistake of a topic, your ex.
I talk about it in all my articles for men. Women have one base goal to check off. They want to feel safe and comfortable.
Women do not feel safe when they don’t feel like they can express themselves or have character questions from the start, and they don’t feel comfortable sitting through an uncomfortable conversation.
Follow up strong
“Let me know when you get home so I know you got there safe.”
“I had a good time last night. Let’s get together soon.”
I am not being a hater. Checking in to know a woman got home safe is good, and so is the follow-up, but we have to spice it up a bit.
I call it the X>Y>Z method.
I made that up as I typed, but I will call it the X>Y>Z method moving forward.
X: something you remember that she is interested in or likes to do for fun in her free time. Remember guys, women want to feel? Comfortable.
Example: she likes being by the water.
Y: An activity directly related that does not involve sitting down unless directly related to the activity. All I mean is we’re not getting drinks again. The second date needs to be fun and action-filled.
Example: paddle boarding.
Z: A time and a place. None of that “maybe later this week “or what is your schedule.” If she can’t make it, then she can propose a different time that works. You have to be direct. It might sound weird, but some second dates don’t happen because you’re leaving wiggle room.
Example: Saturday afternoon.
There’s a combination of things that happened in the XYZ scenario. You’re showing her that you listened and remembered details about her, took the time to find an activity around that interest, and presented a specific date and time.
…
Fellas, more intricacies determine whether or not you make it to the second date than you think.
It’s time to switch your game up and get the outcome you deserve.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: Candy Goode on Unsplash