I’ll just give it to you straight: shopping for a wedding dress mostly sucked.
Anyone who has ever planned a wedding knows that securing the look is crucial. If you’re a bride, that usually kicks off with Pinterest stalking and research. Then you make an appointment at a bridal salon (or several), try on dresses, fork over thousands of dollars (per Brides.com last year, in the US the average wedding dress cost between $1,800 and $2,400), wait months for the gown to be made, then pay an additional fee – probably three figures – in alterations.
And when you don’t wear straight sizes, things get even more complicated.
I found it hard to envision my body in the wedding dress of my dreams because so few bridal images reflected my body type. I’m 5ft 10in and a US size 14/16, which puts me in the “mid-size” range of clothing – an odd place to be when many stores only stock up to a size 12.
“I was super excited to shop for wedding dresses,” said Kaylee Slagus, a plus-sized content creator who got married in 2022. Slagus also trawled Pinterest for inspiration, but only saw “smaller” bodies.
Buying plus-size clothing is generally frustrating – there’s little variety, it sometimes costs more than straight-sized clothing, and plus-size items often don’t fit my body the way I like.
To make it even more confusing, bridal salons use their own sizing. We all complain about vanity sizing when it comes to buying regular clothes, but bridal sizing goes in the opposite direction: a bridal 10 is roughly a street 6, although there’s no real industry standard.
A 2019 study by the Knot found that 50% of brides who were a size 12 or higher were self-conscious about the dress shopping process – twice the proportion of brides under a size 12 who felt anxious about it.
Despite all this, I was determined to have a good experience. Having been in several weddings as a bridesmaid, maid of honor or guest, I was prepared. I emailed several stores before making appointments to ask if they even had samples of gowns big enough for me to try. Still, after five appointments at various salons around New York City and Long Island, the whole thing left me wondering how – in 2024 – the bridal industry can still be so anti-fat.
At my first appointment, I worked with a bridal assistant who was similar in size to me. I knew this person understood what it was like to exist in a bigger body and wouldn’t suggest things that wouldn’t fit or suit my shape. The salon, NYC’s Sarah Seven, had even called me the day before to ask me about my wants, expectations, fears and budget. I felt amazing after the call, and went into the appointment really believing they wanted me to have a good experience.
I didn’t get my dress there – though I fell in love with a $5,000 option that was far outside my budget – but I left feeling supported and prepared for future appointments.
Instead, things got decidedly less fun.
At a different salon, a bridal assistant – who could not have been bigger than a US street size 2 – brought me a gown I asked to see in a street size 8. When I told her that it would never go over my hips, she gently suggested we try. I obliged, knowing full well that I was setting myself up for a meltdown. As I shimmied and wiggled, the assistant tried to help, pushing softly on my upper thigh to get it into the unforgiving satin sheath. When the fabric looked as though it might rip, I started sweating. I said it wasn’t working and that I’d need to take it off.
I remarked that it’s hard to see what style you’ll like when you can’t see it in a size that actually fits, and she said with a smile: “Don’t worry – if you don’t like it when it’s tight, you won’t like it when it’s in your size.” I couldn’t hold back. I laughed and said her logic was deeply flawed.
Maria Genabe, an X-ray technician from Richmond, BC, Canada, ran into a similar issue. A size 12, she ultimately bought a dress that was only available to try in store as a size 6 and ended up regretting it.
“Unsurprisingly, when it came in, it didn’t look the same on my body as the sample did,” she told me. The bust of the dress went down to her belly button, and the cup sizes were too large. “Ordering a size 14 from trying a size 6 sample felt like such a frustrating experience. When my dress finally arrived, I was almost in tears.”
Genabe said the ordeal left her feeling “helpless” because there was “no money-back guarantee”, even though she had no idea what the dress was going to look like on her body.
“You’re just stuck with it,” she said, noting that even alterations couldn’t help because the proportions of the dress were different from what she needed. “Why are we as brides getting measured, then waiting months for a dress that [we] have to alter after getting it? Why not just make the dresses [according] to the measurements?”
Slagus also had dress regret. She hadn’t known that so many bridal salons offered such limited sizes. Slagus said that many of the gowns she liked in her home town in South Dakota weren’t available in a size she could try on or even get over her head.
“How are you supposed to picture yourself on your wedding day in a dress that doesn’t actually fit your body?” she said.
Slagus said she “ended up picking the one dress that actually zipped up”.
“Was that because it was my dream dress? Or was it because it actually fit my body?” she said.
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At another appointment, I put on a ballgown that was several sizes too big, prompting the bridal assistant there to cinch me in. As she clamped the fabric around me, I felt something squishy and vaguely scratchy against my back; I turned around to see that she had stuffed a small pillow into the dress to help keep the fabric on my body. I left that store utterly perplexed and empty-handed.
Unless my body was going to spontaneously sprout some pillow-shaped curves, I couldn’t understand how that was supposed to help me understand what I’d look like on my wedding day.
“I would love to see diverse bodies be treated with the same level of respect and adoration that slim women have enjoyed for decades,” said Rebecca Schoneveld, designer and founder of Rebecca Schoneveld Bridal in Irvington, New York.
Schoneveld has been “focused on creating designs that specifically work on a diverse range of body shapes and sizes” since 2016, she said. Her website showcases gowns on a wide range of models, “so that customers and buyers can shop more intelligently”.
“Buyers should work harder to truly seek out and support designs that work to meet curvier women’s needs. I’m afraid that too many of them just chase down trendy brands,” she said.
Sandra Gonzalez, founder and CEO of Sparkle Bridal Couture in Sacramento, California, said her “purpose is to lift curvy brides and make them center stage, not an afterthought”. She aims to cater for people who wear sizes 14 to 30-plus and to make the wedding shopping experience “stress-free and joyful, in a safe space free of judgment and comparison”.
Gonzalez said that some bridal designers claiming to be size-inclusive only go up to a US size 20 or 24; she’s also seen some brands’ plus-size offerings stop at a size 12 or 14.
“For curvy brides to be limited in options is a disservice,” she said.
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‘Shopping for a wedding dress mostly sucked’
I ultimately found my dress at a curvy bridal boutique called Ivory & Main, in Sayville, New York. Their team was accommodating and full of cheerleaders who had no desire to push me into a dress I didn’t feel amazing in. I only have one regret about my dress – that I didn’t go to them first.
For mid- or plus-size people buying a wedding dress, Gonzalez suggests being “thoughtful and intentional [about] who you bring with you to your bridal appointment”. Schoneveld advises that you “enlist a trusted friend to do some research for you before you shop in person”. This makes it less stressful for the person who is getting married.
“Ask them to call or email stores in advance and make sure they will have enough designs to try on,” she said. “Avoid anywhere that hesitates to give you a straightforward enthusiastic ‘yes’ for an answer.”
It can be a tough process. But, Slagus said, “your wedding is so much more than your weight”. And if you end up with a dress you love, that can be helpful and inspiring for others. “There is such a community of women that are looking for that because it’s not talked about or shown enough. Just because you see a size 2 bride and she looks like a model on her wedding day, that doesn’t mean you can’t also look like a model on your wedding day.”