This is a story of a life touched by depression. I’ve started writing this memoir before — at least twice, I think. The drafts sit in a saved folder in my Drive, waiting to be perfected. But perfection never happens, and I fear I will never finish it, never submit it for publication, never let it out into the world.
Perhaps there’s no real harm in that. It’s just a memoir, after all. And my life is not so important as to warrant being conserved in paper bindings and memorialized in a library for generations to come.
But still, there’s something in me that says I should share this story. Getting it down on digital pages and sending it out into the world may be cathartic. Perhaps it will help me make sense of my life and my experience of self. Perhaps it will even, with the Grace of God, become a tiny spark of illumination for some reader down the road. I pray it will.
And so, I’m starting over again. I’ll go in pieces, with no particular publication schedule, no particular goal for what should or should not make it into these pages, and no particular standard for how long each new segment should or should not be.
My initial objective in writing a memoir was to better understand my experience with depression and how to heal from it. That will continue to be my guiding force. But so much of that experience is in the subconscious, and I must leave it to my subconscious to decide what is and isn’t relevant. Sometimes I may understand the connections. Sometimes I may not. Many times, I may think I understand only to be wildly off-base. I guess it’s all just part of the human experience.
Anyone and everyone who wishes to join me on this inward journey is more than welcome. I hope that we will find healing here. But if not, at least come here to know that you are not alone.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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