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Transcript provided by YouTube. Slightly edited with AI.
Anyone who’s ever been on a night out with friends knows one of the most fun parts is just getting ready, right? It’s like R&B playing, drink in hand.
Before we dive into the video, mark your calendars for the 23rd of January. I’m hosting a big free event called “First Principles for Getting to Commitment.” If you’re struggling with commitment in your dating life or finding yourself stuck in casual relationships, join us to learn what you need to know. Visit lli-training.com to sign up for free.
Introduction to Podcast
Welcome, everybody, to the Love Life podcast. I’m Matthew Hussey, here with Audrey Hussey. And today, we’re joined by Cassandra Sati to talk about personal style.
I’ve known Cassandra for years as the personal stylist in my life. Recently, both Audrey and I had the pleasure of getting styled by her for our wedding and honeymoon. It’s been a transformative experience.
At a meta level, upgrading your wardrobe boosts confidence. It’s like having someone in your corner cheering you on. Style is a skill that evolves with you throughout life.
Overcoming Style Challenges
Many people feel overwhelmed when it comes to style. Start by viewing clothing as a tool in your toolbox for confidence. Reframe your mindset and be open to evolving your style.
It’s okay to break fashion “rules” and experiment with style. Style evolves with you, so embrace changes in your body and preferences. Your closet should reflect your confidence and comfort.
Your closet is a special space. Treat it with respect by decluttering regularly. If an item doesn’t spark joy or excitement, consider donating it. Be strategic about what you keep, especially if you’re on a budget.
Fit is crucial. Tailoring clothes to your body can elevate your look significantly. It’s worth investing in alterations for a perfect fit, regardless of fluctuations in your body size.
Accept that bodies change, and that’s normal. Have different sizes in your wardrobe to accommodate fluctuations. Avoid waiting for an “ideal” weight to update your wardrobe. Plan your purchases strategically.
Having a shopping plan prevents impulse purchases. Retail assistants can be persuasive, but stick to your list to build a wardrobe that reflects your style and needs. Remember, great style begins and ends with what’s in your closet.
Closet Essentials
Usually, people go to their closet at the start of their day too, right? So if you’re feeling overwhelmed and frustrated and bored and all the negative emotions I typically hear about style and closets, that’s how you start out your day. One of the things you said that stuck with me was it’s okay to have space in your closet. How do you feel about that now? I want to create more of it. All your stuff is on my side, that’s because I’m clearing stuff out and I needed somewhere to put it just until the weekend. I told you I need until Saturday, so it’s unreasonable for you to be bringing this up right now. It’s disingenuous, as you know. If you were saying to people, “Pick five, if there were five things that you could have in your closet and nothing else that you know would be like you can build everything out of these five things or these are the five things you’re going to need excluding underwear and socks,” like these are things you’re going to need over and over and over again, what would you, let’s take women, what would you say to women are the five things that you should have?
First thing, t-shirts. Great fitting t-shirts, so not gym shirts, not sleep shirts, like actual nice shirts you can put on if you’re going out to dinner or into work. So number one colors like what? I’m big on my system, the NLW style system, which is a styling framework that focuses on the layers of a closet. So black, gray, white, and navy because you’re going to get the most outfits out of those. So don’t go, so if you’re rebuilding your wardrobe right now, don’t go out and buy a green t-shirt. No, don’t buy a green one because you basically want the most bang for your buck, right? And you’re going to get that with those four colors. Now, that’s not to say, “Oh, if I like pink or like to wear colors, I can’t buy those.” You can. You just need to invest in those four colors first. Okay, that should be your foundation, t-shirts, t-shirts number one. I would say sweaters, so lightweight sweaters. Here in LA, we can’t wear super heavy sweaters, so a nice sweater is really good. Like, is a sweater that when you say sweater, do you mean like a knit sweater or do you mean, you know, the kinds of sweaters that we’d buy at a concert? Oh, like a sweatshirt, like a merch. Yeah, that’s, oh, so sweatshirt is what you call that? Okay, so sweater you mean something a little more polished, right? Okay, yeah, a little more polished, knitted, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the next thing is again, stay within those colors, yes? Okay, same colors, great. Number three, a great pair of jeans. What color? Any of those core colors, black, gray, white, maybe. Which one, if you were only going to get two? Blue. Blue, and then you want to do one dark and one light, so you have maximum versatility. One dark blue, one light blue, yes, done, okay, okay, all right. That was number three, yep. Four, number four, I would do a great pair of trousers that are not denim. So like what Audrey has on today, those look great because they look a little more elevated from a pair of jeans, and so they’re appropriate if you’re going out to dinner or you’re traveling, but she can still wear them as she works from home. And actually, the reason I bought these is because you inspired me and gave me permission to buy trousers that were not just skinny jeans, which is what I always used to wear. I just used to wear jogging bottoms and skinny jeans, and you kind of said, actually, you can wear real trousers. And because we bought a couple of pairs together, I was like, “Oh, these look really good on me, and I feel really good in them,” and then I was able… it was almost the way I see it is like your mind expands, and you give yourself permission to try something new. Yes, whereas I think we get so stuck in the way that we kind of think about our style, and that’s what, for me, you know, that was one of the huge things. It was just giving me permission to try different styles, which was amazing. Oh, I’m so happy to hear, yeah, and you look great in them, thank you, too, really good. So trousers was number four, yes, was it number four, yeah, I think it was.
Styling Tips and Monochromatic Looks
Number five is a layering piece, so a layering piece could be a cardigan, it could be a blazer, it could be anything of the sorts where if you have your t-shirt on, you’re putting something over it to elevate it, and this is especially good if you work from home because maybe you have a zoom call you want to be casual for, but then you’re meeting someone for lunch, so you want to look a little more formal, you just pop it on, go done. And again, one of those four colors, yes? What did you say, black, navy, gray, or white, or white, yes? How, ’cause I was really uncomfortable initially doing like a monochromatic type look where you have different shades of the same color or the same shades of the same color and so on. So I always felt safe contrasting, MH colors, like I knew I can’t go wrong if I put a white with a gray, I can’t go wrong if I put a blue shirt with a dark jean, but whenever I just couldn’t wrap my head around being confident enough to layer clothes that had similar colors or the same color, so are there any rules when it comes to that, like can you wear all the same color, or if it’s the same color, do they need to be different textures, or do they need to be slightly different shades of the same color, like are there any rules when it comes to having different shades of the same thing or a completely monochromatic look?
Yeah, I would say so you can pick one color, any like you’re a good example today, so you’re wearing Navy today, but you’re going light to dark, so that’s kind of an easy thing to remember. You also want to play with texture, so like your top has some fine texture to it compared to the pants, so texture is kind of the key to elevate it and make it look interesting because a lot of people will say, “I’m going to wear black,” and they’ll wear kind of the same color of black. It doesn’t have character to it, it kind of looks flat, and so when you integrate that texture, it really makes it come alive. And so that’s why when we went shopping, I was like, “Okay, what texture can I bring into the fitting room to kind of elevate the outfit?” Yeah, I love that. I have a question. Can I just ask one question quickly about the monochrom… No, you may not yet. I just because I like, okay, some of the stuff we got for me is taupe, is that right? Taupe, yeah. Taupe, how do you say it? It’s a French word, I think. Top, top. So, oh, is it French? I don’t know. Yeah, I think it’s the French word for mole. Is that right, top? I’m going to look this up. I should know this. I think it might be the French word for mole because the word top comes from the color of a mole, I think. Oh, I’ve never heard this before, yeah. I think, how do I not remember this? This is when I realized just fated, yeah, you’re right, look at that little mole, I know, it’s so cute, yeah, ’cause I think that’s the color of a mole. Let’s edit this bit out and just have will not, it will be known that my French is better than Audrey’s, who is French. No, no, no, we’re going to edit this out, definitely. We’re not, we’re going to cut this clip and put it online as just a single clip.
Navigating Style Comparison and Finding Personal Style
So, if you’re going to wear taupe, can you wear, if you have to wear different shades of it, or could you literally wear like the same trousers in the same color top? It depends, see, this is where there’s kind of like an art and a science to style, it’s a language, right? And so if you were wearing it to a formal event, maybe you could wear it all from head to toe, maybe you’re wearing it to a casual event, and maybe you want to spice it up a little and go light to dark. So there’s kind of like a nuance to style that you have to keep in mind, and we can talk about it more after. I want to see the outfits you’re referring, can you wear matching, do you can you wear a blazer that doesn’t go with those TR, like if you have a suit trouser, you can wear a different blazer that’s not designed to go with those suit, yeah, definitely, all right, oh, you had a question, please.
I do, I have a question, I think something that’s very common for people, MH, is giving into comparison, so, you know, you go on Instagram, right, and there’s like a beautiful probably AI-generated woman who’s wearing an amazing dress, and you’re like, “I want to look like that,” so you order the dress, and it comes, and you don’t feel like you look anything like the person who advertised it, and as a result, I think it’s very difficult for people to almost not get tempted to try and like recreate and replicate, I should say, styles that they see online that aren’t necessarily styles that will suit them, and I’m speaking from experience of this, and so how do you kind of not give in, and what do you do about this kind of comparison, and how do you know what your style is and stay in your lane of the style that’s actually going to make you feel good?
Good question, I get this a lot because I think for women, there’s a lot of pressure to define your style, yes, like it’s something us women talk about, you see it in the magazines, you see it on Instagram, what is your style, right? And for me personally, I’m like, “I want to be who I want to be when I want to be that person,” and so I think one, you have to be very careful about who you follow on Instagram, so I think at the same time you do a closet edit, you’re doing an edit of the Instagram accounts you follow. It’s really important, right? Who you’re learning from, and if you get ads, you mute them, yeah, that’s what I do, I mute ads that don’t make me feel good, yeah, oh, that’s great, I go not interested, Instagram, thank you very much, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then the second thing I would say is again to get the system in place, because with a system, you have those routines, and we’re all going to fall off track, we may see an ad or we may see a magazine we’re tempted, right? But when you have a system in place, you can fall back on it, like if you get off track and you’re like, “Okay, here’s the goal, here’s what I need to do, here’s what I need to buy,” and it makes you that much more confident as well. I like the five things that you gave and the colors to stick within because that in itself is a system, yes, someone, I feel like someone could leave this episode of the podcast and go, “I’m going to see which of those five things I actually have in my wardrobe, yes, and do I have anything in each of those categories that does bring me joy, that does excite me, and if not, those are the first things on my list, and I’m going to get them in those colors,” and that creates, what you, I know people in your profession call a capsule wardrobe, right? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, and so yeah, when you have the system in place, you can buy confidently, you can wear whatever you want, whenever you want to, right? Maybe some days you want to be boho or girly or whatever it is, you have the elements in your closet to put outfits together, and you just feel so much more confident day to day because you know what your style is, and you know what you’re spending your money on.
Dressing for Home and Enjoying Personal Style
When it comes to style, there are two avenues: the external world and the internal. Not many people discuss the internal aspect enough. Wanting to dress up for yourself, to feel good and confident, is significant. Maybe it’s not a daily routine, but even a few times a week can make a difference. During the pandemic, I pushed myself to dress up more, and it positively impacted my productivity and overall mood. It’s a simple act of self-care that can enhance your day.
There’s something ritualistic about grooming and getting ready. It’s a process that sets the tone for the day. Even at home, we miss out on this ritual, impacting our mindset without realizing it. Whether it’s putting on a suit or dressing up for a Zoom call, the act of getting ready signals readiness and professionalism. It’s about respecting yourself and the situation, setting the right tone for yourself and others.
There’s an internal battle for many: the desire to care about appearance versus the desire to be laid-back. Some days, we admire the carefree attitude, while on other days, we value professionalism. It’s a constant struggle to define who we want to be, influenced by various factors and phases in life.
Some embrace a minimalist approach to style, simplifying their wardrobe to reduce decision fatigue. It’s about having a system that works for you, even if it means wearing the same outfit repeatedly. While it may not resonate with everyone, it’s about personal preference and finding what suits you best.
Style as Personal Branding
In a way, we’re all selling ourselves, and our style is part of our personal brand. How we present ourselves reflects our values and intentions. While some may not prioritize fashion, considering its impact on personal branding can be beneficial, especially in professional and social settings.
Having a system in place for dressing can ease anxiety, especially in dating scenarios. Investing in versatile pieces and experimenting with accessories can enhance confidence, regardless of body shape or size.
It’s essential to differentiate between investment pieces and trend-driven items. Investing in timeless basics ensures longevity and versatility in your wardrobe. Understanding the concept of cost per wear helps rationalize spending on quality pieces.
Ultimately, having a systematic approach to style allows for confidence, versatility, and personal expression. Whether you’re prioritizing comfort, professionalism, or self-expression, finding a balance that works for you is key.
Wardrobe Shopping Dilemmas
Yeah, I have one of those in my wardrobe. You shouldn’t have to buy a whole new wardrobe to cater to some expensive thing you just bought.
Well, that’s really interesting you say that because that was actually a question I wanted to ask you, Cassandra. You know, what do you do about the fact that when you go shopping, you are drawn to certain pieces? I don’t know about you, but this happens to me all the time. I’m like, this sparkling boiler suit with Damonte straps, oh my God, yes, I want to buy this. It speaks to like a younger me that somehow loved it. I don’t know, but you know, you’ll find these pieces and you get very, very drawn to them. It might be like a really bright jacket or, I don’t know, something like that. How do you kind of cut your sort of bias towards these kinds of pieces and start actually gravitating towards the kinds of pieces you can pair with things in your wardrobe? Because that happens a lot. You go out with the plan, but then you see this thing and you’re like, this thing. And then you come home with it and you haven’t bought anything in your plan and you feel guilty.
Well, the retailers are doing a good job then if they’re doing that. That’s their whole purpose, right? Is to tempt you and stuff. But I think having the system in place and also formulating your style values, right? Like no one has ever really thought about that, taking the time to like form them, like what are they for you? So for example, in January, I don’t buy clothes. I don’t buy clothes because I’m like, I want to start my new year using what I have. And it’s actually a really tempting time because there’s sales going on. So that’s a value of mine. I don’t buy new clothes in January and I use what I have. So I think, why is that? What’s that? Because I love my closet. Why do I need more? I feel like I have enough. So you feel like it’s almost by responding to the marketing in January, it’s like you’re allowing someone else to tell you what your next move should be when in fact you actually already like what you have. So you don’t need to be led by that. I don’t like it. I love everything in my closet. So when I’m like, okay, do I need this? Do I want this? Well, I have a no rule, no buy rule in general in January and it makes it very easy. So I think formulating some style values and rules can help people keep on track.
What about Black Friday? No, not good. Sales are usually not a sale. It’s kind of padded in already into their margins and their plan. So sales happen for a reason because it’s what, because it’s stuff people don’t want that and they’ve basically when they buy the goods they pad in that they’re going to have a sale into the retail price so it’s you’re paying the proper price, you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s just, oh yeah, from an inflated price they bring it down to a normal price. Yes, and this is where my fashion industry experience comes into play because I worked in the fashion industry for over 25 years. So I know kind of the ins and outs and the behind the scenes of it. So I like to educate people on what really goes on behind the scenes because then they feel more confident when they go shopping and what they’re buying too.
Wrinkled clothes and you’re not someone who, you again, you care about your presentation so what did you do? Were you ironing your own clothes? I would pull out that iron with the biggest sad face on. Iron, so do you iron in advance? Do you iron like the week’s outfits in advance or do you iron per outfit? Depends. You’re like, oh, this is what I’m going to wear today, I’ll iron it. So I iron per outfit because I have a system in place so I can put outfits together in 60 seconds or less so it doesn’t take me any time. And so to do a quick iron doesn’t take any time, literally no time at all. What do you do? Oh, this is such, I can’t believe 36-year-old me is asking this as a real question that I’m interested in but I can’t believe you just ask what do you do if you really don’t want to iron? Well, get hone to this question ’cause I’m about to deliver something really spicy. When you have trousers that have a pleat in them, okay, and you want them to be nicely ironed, I get the impression some of the trousers I’ve got, you’re not supposed to iron because of the material but maybe you are. I’m not sure. Do you steam them? But there’s a pleat in them, a steamer is not going to get a pleat in a trouser like what do you do? Like the ones you have on, exactly. What would you…stay tuned for some really interesting podcasting, we may cut this ’cause it’s so boring, yeah, that it’s like the most, this might be in any interview I’ve ever done. It honestly might be the most boring question I’ve ever asked in my life. This is turning into Matt’s Q&A for me about his correct, yeah, I’m deeply I am worried that this is the most boring thing I’ve ever asked anyone, not just you, Cassandra, anyone.
I want to talk, is it about ironing? It’s not about IR, okay, steaming. I always hear of the importance because, as you say, accessorize, right? And they can, you’re right, they can bring so much confidence to an outfit, they can really make, you know, make everything pop. How do you decide what shoes to wear with what? Oh, good question. And how many pairs of shoes should you have in your wardrobe? How long do we have? Another 3 hours about, no. People get really confused around Footwear and what bottoms to wear with Footwear, yes. And also, you’re kind of, and I don’t know if you guys agree with this, but you can tell a lot about people from the shoes they wear, yes. Shoes are actually kind of a gateway into someone’s soul in a way. I saw Jameson look down at his feet when you said that, he’s not even wearing shoes, it still made him self-conscious. No, but I think I think it is, I think it’s true. So yeah, like how do you choose a shoe that really reflects your personality and a shoe that’s going to go with what you’re wearing and make you feel confident? Yeah, so there’s like clothing in a closet, there’s Basics that you need to have with shoes, right? So the system is all dependent on your lifestyle and your preferences and stuff, but for example, like I recommend women to have like a sneaker, right? A daytime sneaker they can run around in, another sneaker
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