“Do you need a hug?”
The first time I saw him I could tell something terrible had just happened. I was nestled within a pack of people about to board a plane to Phoenix when he stormed past me, with a look that said his entire day had just been ruined.
I didn’t think much at first, perhaps he had lost his phone before boarding or was kicked off the plane for arguing with a flight attendant.
I had a bigger problem to worry about.
I stared down at the carry-on suitcase at my side and felt a flash of anxiety.
It was packed full. Felt heavier than usual.
I knew I couldn’t lift it into the overhead compartment. I could try, but history had proven that my attempt would not go well… wide-eyed passengers below would be staring as I struggled, rightfully terrified I was going to drop the suitcase onto them (I’ve had several close calls), while others ignored me so they wouldn’t have to get up to help.
I’m a pretty self-sufficient woman, but I have the arms of Kermit the Frog and my workouts consist of dancing and hot yoga where I skip the hard parts.
There I was about to board the plane, hoping a strong man would board right after me.
And then I saw him again, stomping down the gangway toward me, ready to board, this time with a look on his face that made me think this guy was having one heckuva rough day.
But I was delighted to see him because he was exactly what I needed… he could help with my suitcase.
My eyes popped open happily as he grumpily came toward me, and he, noticing me watching him, began muttering and shaking his head… perhaps all was not good after all.
I forgot about my suitcase.
This miserable-looking guy before me was not doing well.
So I asked, “Do you need a hug?”
At first, I thought he’d decline, but a second later he said, “Actually, yeah.”
There we were, on the gangway to board the plane, and I gave this total stranger the warmest hug I had within me.
When we pulled apart, I could see him smiling and his entire body looked calmer.
I confessed that I was happy to see him because if he didn’t mind, I would love it if he could help me get my suitcase in the overhead compartment.
And that’s when the big shift happened.
This man lit up. He immediately smiled, stood proudly, and said, “Now that I can do!” and looked honored to have been asked for his help.
We then engaged in some fun conversation as we boarded. I don’t know what had happened to make him so miserable, but as we walked onto that plane, it was like the moments before that hug had never existed.
…
An easy trick to shift someone’s energy
Most people don’t really want to be around bad energy. That man could easily have spent that entire flight spewing negative vibes to everyone around him.
This is exactly what I felt when I first saw him, storming past me with that angry look on his face.
I figured out something that day — and it’s not just the power of a good hug.
When someone is having a rough day or moment, distract them with a sudden request that helps them feel important, valued, or capable.
Even something as simple as, “Can you lift this for me?”
When we boarded and it was time to put my bag in the overhead compartment, I stood aside and delightfully cheered as he hoisted my bag up. I made him feel like my hero, and I effusively expressed my gratitude.
When I last saw him, he was a completely different man than the one I first saw.
And in some ways, so I was.
Giving good energy to others always fills you up as well.
Remember that.
…
The key to doing it
They say that when going through a rough time, the best thing you can do is help other people. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or an animal shelter. Maybe it’s just something to distract you, but we feel better when we are useful to something outside of ourselves.
So, I’m finding ways to apply this to people who I see are having a rough day. I’ll call and ask for their advice or help on something small and easy that I know they will be happy to respond to.
It can be as simple as asking for help moving a heavy desk across a room, or for advice on whether an outfit looks good or how to accessorize a new dress. I may ask for their expertise or opinion, or to show me how to do something they know about.
An easy one is to ask for help fixing something small. Need an extra hand? Call someone having a rough day — and make them feel like your hero for being available and willing to help.
The key? Choose something where they will feel successful.
Even little bits of success brighten people’s day, and make them stand up a bit taller and prouder.
And it may only take a few seconds to have that effect on someone.
…
I would love to hear your stories if you try this with someone! Please do share — would love to be inspired by what others do!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: Jonas Enriquez on Unsplash