Respond to prefers-color-scheme dark in app web views

Follow section front redirects in Spectrum

Enable NLP source in PCS for load testing

Switch off the News Alerts Survey Widget when we have enough responses

Poll to determine if new LUF updates are available

Allows the winning A/B test variant to be turned on without Spectrum deployment

Show infinite scrolling sections in Assembler MultiView

Show option for NLP article summaries in Action Bar

Show NLP summaries collection recirc on article pages

A general feature flag for Recipe Features that aren't yet released

Feature flag for media team features that aren't yet released

Use new Orca video player for preroll plugin in Spectrum

Show the snow tracker (instead of the heat tracker) on Spectrum

She finished chemo then got a medical degree: ‘The dream is real now’

Puppy abandoned with heart-rending note is adopted, named Minerva

Man, 91, shocks tiny firehouse with $500K gift: ‘Nobody knew how much I’d saved’

The world’s coolest hotels want to tell you a story

Cruise ships to return to Baltimore two months after bridge collapse 

Some cruise prices are about to get a little more clear

How Jim Jordan tried to connect the dots on Biden’s $8 million book deal

Biden’s false claim that inflation was 9 percent when he took office

Did Obamacare ‘massively’ increase the cost of health care?

Joey Gallo returns, but Nats endure another quiet offensive night

Bryce Harper, Joey Gallo and a bond forged by baseball since they were kids

A taco will always be a taco — no matter what we call it

Carolyn Hax: Is it weird to ask other people to care about you?

Ask Amy: Can’t a single woman eat alone without interruption?

Miss Manners: Miss Manners: Gag gift falls flat

Book Tour: At home with Amor Towles

In photos: The scene in Houston after severe storms killed at least 7 people

Civilians flee new Russian attacks on Ukraine border

Mexican taquería’s new Michelin star puts street eats on par with gourmet food

Police believe a U.S. rapist killed several women in Canada

With its energy network nearly destroyed, Ukraine already fears the winter

At campus protests, ‘DO NOT TALK TO THE MEDIA’!

Trump’s lawyer charges Michael Cohen lied to jury

CNN gets a presidential debate — and a much-needed win

‘Never Trump?’ ‘Never Biden’ voters might loom larger.

Ukraine gamble pays off: Republicans face little backlash in primaries

Russia shows resilience. There is more to do for Ukraine.

Trump promises tax cuts and fewer rules. CEOs shouldn’t fall for it.

Tariffs against China hamstring the transition to a clean energy future

Blue Origin to fly again as space tourism struggles to get off the ground

These ISIS news anchors are AI fakes. Their propaganda is real.

Boeing delays spaceflight again as it continues to struggle with leak

Trump

Dear Meghan: My 11-year-old used some cuss words last night to express his anger with me. Thoughts on circling back on this today? We’ve told him words are just words, but there is a time and place for certain words. We’ve talked about cuss words being disrespectful in most cases.

I don’t want to spotlight this to make it a recurring behavior … but obviously I think it’s important to draw the line. Thoughts?

Cursed: Thank you for writing — nothing like the first time your tween uses some choice words against you. It can feel like a real smack to the face. Words can pack a punch. Let’s unpack this a bit so you can stay in response rather than reaction.

Developmentally, you are entering the tween years with your son, and so emotions may begin to run a little high. While many boys reach puberty around 12 (and <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/parenting/2024/03/07/parenting-early-puberty-mood-swings/" target="_blank">many children start younger</a>), it doesn’t mean that his body isn’t changing already. From physical changes (muscles, body odor, pubic hair) to cognitive changes (executive functioning and long-term planning may begin to form), this age also yields significant emotional changes. This can look like mood swings, anger, greater frustration, low self-esteem, depression and anxiety. While tweens still care about family values and rituals, they may also begin to question your authority. So, yes, you are entering an intense time in your parenting life.

First, well done waiting a night to address the cuss words. By giving time and space to the moment, you can stay in control of yourself and not make the situation worse. As for circling back, it could be the right move … or it could be a mistake. So much of how we respond depends on why the incident happened and the resolution you are seeking (understanding and boundaries or punishment and shame).

advice-icon

Do you have questions about parenting in the summer? Advice columnist Meghan Leahy wants to help you manage the summer stress.

<a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/advice/interactive/2024/meghan-leahy-" target=_blank>Ask Meghan about summer parenting struggles here. </a>

So, why was your child cursing at you to express his anger? Was it out of nowhere or to a reasonable request? Was it because he felt you weren’t listening to him? Did he feel hounded or harassed? Did he have an upsetting day at school and you got the brunt of it? Was it hunger? Overstimulation? Shame? Was it another medical, emotional or learning issue I haven’t listed? I see the cursing as a symptom of an interior issue, so what is the interior issue? Is there a pattern of outbursts? If you only treat the cursing, you may not address your son’s real needs, thus placing a meager Band-Aid on what may need much more treatment. This is not a blame game. Rather you are acting as the mature part of your son’s brain that is still very much under production.

The high-wire act of parenting tweens is knowing when to hold ’em, when to fold ’em, when to walk away and when to run (thank you, Kenny Rogers). If you enjoy a good relationship with your son, it is possible to not revisit every outburst, because, well, being a human is messy, and sometimes feelings get loud and upsetting. If the footing feels solid with your child, you can just move life along. Truly, not everything needs a lesson, lecture or revisiting. I can hear people gnashing their teeth at the thought of not taking a child to task over every explosion, but I am more interested in the patterns than the big one-off events.

But you also have every right to not stand around and be insulted. Let him know that you will probably walk away if he does that again, because you all share a family value around cursing. But also let him know that you are still available to listen when he wants to talk. You aren’t freezing him out; you are holding a boundary for yourself.

If you do circle around for a bigger discussion, make it less of a lecture and more about curiosity. “So, some harsh words were tossed around last night. … It won’t be the last time, I know. But I am curious as to what that was all about?” If you don’t speak like that with your son, this might feel awkward, but it is so compassionate, and if you read the <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/parenting/2023/04/14/teen-boys-suicide-mental-health/" target=_blank>data</a>, tweens need compassion more than ever.

Finally, please try to focus on your relationship with your child and not these behaviors. He will not turn into a disrespectful jerk if there are outbursts. You do not abdicate your authority if you don’t take up the fight every time. Punishments and shame don’t work as well as leading with clear boundaries and so much love. You are his safe place. For more help with this age, pick up the books “The Emotional Lives of Teens” by Lisa Damour (and her podcast), “Hold On to Your Kids” by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté, or “This Is So Awkward” by Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett and the accompanying podcast.

Parenting Outside the Lines

Meghan is the mother of three daughters and the author of "Parenting Outside the Lines." She holds a bachelor’s degree in English and secondary education and a master’s degree in school counseling and is a certified parent coach. Send a question about parenting to onparenting@washpost.com, and it may show up in a future column.

Meghan Leahy

the-washington-post

María Alconada Brooks/The Washington Post; iStock

The Washington Post

advicecolumnist-parenting

Ask Amy

Ask Elaine

Ask Sahaj

Carolyn Hax

Miss Manners

Parenting Advice

Work Advice

Advice

washpost

prism://prism.query/site,/lifestyle/advice&limit=20

The Washington Post's Advice and Relationships section brings you the best advice and etiquette on topics ranging from work to dating to parenting. Other features include Date Lab, etiquette blogs and chats and parenting stories.

prism://prism.query/site-and-discussions-not-future,/lifestyle/on-parenting&limit=20

Parenting

News, advice and essays that impact parents everywhere.

prism://prism.query/site-articles-only,/lifestyle&limit=20

Lifestyle

Washington Post Lifestyle gives you the latest fashion and beauty trends, home d&eacute;cor pointers, food and recipe ideas and reviews, relationship advice, travel ideas, wellness tips and much more.