Happiness is not something you find outside of yourself. It’s not something you achieve. Happiness is not a final destination where you arrive once and stay forever. Happiness is our natural state. It is how we feel when we do or experience things that make us come alive.
When we talk about happiness, it is usually with the intention of increasing it. We consider ways to improve our lives and increase our happiness. In this pursuit, we believe certain things outside ourselves will make us happier than others.
We look to or for external things to bring us happiness. Even when things are going great in our lives, we think of ways to make them even better. However, happiness cannot be found by seeking something outside ourselves.
True happiness is our natural state. You already possess almost everything to make you happy — you are just focusing on the wrong things.
In simple terms, happiness is an attitude or mental state: a way of looking at things rather than an emotional reaction to external stimuli. If we are unhappy, something is not right in our habits and, most importantly, how we interpret our experiences.
The ability to find joy in life lies dormant within all of us as humans. All it takes is reconnecting with who we really are inside and reawakening our natural state of happiness and contentment.
Anthony de Mello, the author of Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality, explains: “To acquire happiness you don’t have to do anything, because happiness cannot be acquired. Does anybody know why? Because we have it already. How can you acquire what you already have? Then why don’t you experience it? Because you’ve got to drop something. You’ve got to drop illusions. You don’t have to add anything in order to be happy; you’ve got to drop something.”
Anthony de Mello believes life is easy, but we insist on making it complicated. “Life is easy, life is delightful. It’s only hard on your illusions, your ambitions, your greed, your cravings. Do you know where these things come from? From having identified with all kinds of labels!” de Mello argues.
Many of us are constantly seeking ways to make ourselves happy, and there’s no denying that a great deal of the time, this quest can lead us down a path of more meaningless activities and purchasing items that will temporarily boost our mood.
However, over the long term, it doesn’t seem to work, and most people find themselves feeling as if they are constantly running after happiness with their hands outstretched in an attempt to catch it whenever it comes along.
You can experience authentic happiness if you drop or subtract the habits, behaviours and routines that consistently take away joy and fulfilment.
Happiness means being in alignment with your values and accepting who you are. It’s about learning to appreciate your strengths, everything happening for you, and all that life offers you.
It’s about cultivating self-awareness and understanding that you have the power to live a life full of meaning and purpose. It’s about trusting yourself and believing in your ability to make choices that are right for you.
And ultimately, it’s about embracing all aspects of yourself — your strengths, weaknesses, vulnerabilities, imperfections — because they make you uniquely you.
Happiness is an experience, not merely possessing
Happiness is an emotional state you can rediscover over time by changing your perception, taking control, and being intentional. It’s also about how you perceive your life and yourself. It’s about the quality of your relationships with others. It’s about how satisfied you are with what you do for work. It’s about how grateful you are for what you have.
To be happy, we must be mindful of our emotional state and drop unnecessary attachments from our life. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, appreciate all the good things happening for you.
“Happiness can exist only in acceptance,” argues George Orwell.
Start with small daily experiences around you — a beautiful view or a friendly face. You can appreciate the little things like enjoying a cup of coffee with friends or taking time to relax on a Sunday afternoon. Make an effort to be kinder and more compassionate toward others.
Soren Kierkegaard was right when he said, life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.”
Happiness is living in the present and being aware of what you are experiencing rather than worrying about the past or anticipating the future. Whatever form it takes, happiness is something you can easily experience because it’s your natural state when you strip the chaos of life.
We all want to be happy; it’s a core part of who we are. Yet, we can find ourselves in situations that don’t allow us to experience that joy, which can contribute to unhappiness.
One of the most important things you can do to become happier is to start paying close attention to your thoughts and feelings. Take note of what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling those things.
This will allow you to recognise the patterns in your life that aren’t serving you, so you can start making changes that will lead to greater happiness.
To rediscover your inner happiness, learn to enjoy solitude and contemplation. Being alone allows you to think deeply about your feelings, reflect on your life, and develop a deeper understanding of yourself and what brings out the best in you. It allows you to be more present for the people in your life.
You can’t force happiness, but you can experience it daily in even small experiences. Happiness is how you interpret your daily life experiences.
Happiness is a feeling that can be experienced on many different levels. There are many ways to feel happy, but the most important thing to remember is that it’s an attitude. You have to choose to be happy every day. If you don’t, your happiness will eventually drift away.
Finally, remember that you’re ultimately in control of your happiness — so make the most of your time by doing things that bring you joy and drop experiences that cause stress, anxiety and burnout.
—
This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
Escape the Act Like a Man Box | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men | Why I Don’t Want to Talk About Race | The First Myth of the Patriarchy: The Acorn on the Pillow |
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: iStock.com