I was first diagnosed with cancer 20 years ago. I was given 6 months to live by my doctors. This was because I had inflammatory breast disease. At the time of my diagnosis, 85% of those with this condition were dead within 18 months. The 5 year surival rates were abysmal.
Yet here I am.
Yes, in that time frame I have had two more cancer recurrences.
The first was about 6 years ago, when I had a ductal carcinoma and got a mastectomy. More recently, about 2 1/2 years ago, I was diagnosed with metastatic brain cancer.
The ductal carcinoma was the size of a large orange and the oncologist who first looked at it told me I would not live long even after surgically removing it. The surgeon who removed my brain tumor told me I would live at most 6 months and that the last couple of months I’d be in hospice.
Well, I’m still alive and I have not had to have hospice care. I have had some truly scary ER visits and other setbacks, and I am physically weaker, but I am still enjoying my life.
I don’t sit around and cry in my coffee.
When I was in college, I was at MIT, and apparently some of the guys on my floor didn’t like how cheerful I was. MIT was supposed to be a grim place, after all. People said that being at MIT was like trying to drink water from a fire hydrant and they nicknamed it the “Big Screw”.
Years later, a friend of mine from those days told me that these guys tried to pierce my happiness by being deliberately mean.
I think that stinks, and no matter how smart they were, they weren’t very wise, because instead of making the world a better place, they tried to drag others down to their own level of misery. That type of attitude is one for losers, and I don’t care how rich and successful they later became — they were still losers.
On the other hand, there were fellow students who were encouraging, supportive, or just plain kind.
And these features, I believe, make people more resilient. Even in Biblical times, they understood this.
Proverbs 17:22 says: A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones (NIV)
And King David, a man who endured many hardships, wrote in Psalm 30:5: For His anger lasts only a moment,
but His favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Because I trust God’s word and have faith in His love for me, I have been able to endure and survive trials that have sorely tested me, including bullying, cancer, poverty, and divorce. I know that even if I am in the dark night of the soul, joy will come in the morning.
Don’t get me wrong, I too have given in to despair, but because of God’s grace, I am restored.
If you read survivors’ stories, such as Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl, those of quadrapeligic war veterans such as Travis Mills and Todd Nicely, or those of people like Helen Keller and Temple Grandin — you will realize the greatness of the human spirit and its ability to overcome.
These people were stubborn in their refusal to accept defeat.
They were also not self-centered. Frankl describes those who saw beauty even in a concentration camp. Keller was an outspoken advocate for the disabled as well as a supporter of civil rights. Grandin advocated for the humane treatment of animals. Mills and Nicely encouraged others dealing with war injuries.
These amazing people and many others inspire me not only by their resilience but also their generosity of spirit.
The bottom line? Our perceptions can define our reality. When we refuse to dwell in negative places, we have the energy to overcome whatever life throws at us and to positively affect those around us.
—
This post was previously published on Shefali O’Hara’s blog.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
Escape the Act Like a Man Box | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men | Why I Don’t Want to Talk About Race | The First Myth of the Patriarchy: The Acorn on the Pillow |
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: iStock