Unfortch, fisting—the act of inserting the entire hand into an anus or vagina—isn’t always taken seriously as a “real” sex thing that people actually do. It’s often dismissed as something that only happens in porn. But—hi, yes hello—we are here to tell you that is simply not the case. While fisting is definitely not for the faint of heart, it is actually a totally real, incredibly pleasurable sex act for those who choose to partake.
Erotic educator Taylor Sparks, founder of Organic Loven, says that people tend to get squeamish about fisting because it’s seen as too “naughty” to handle. “Like any other sex act that is considered ‘outside the norm,’ fisting is often considered risky, taboo, weird, and kinky,” says Sparks. And, in case you haven’t noticed, our heteronormative society just doesn’t jive well with kink.
But if fisting is something you want to try, it is a skill you can learn. Assuming you have an enthusiastically consenting partner you trust, a Costco-sized bottle of lube, and a whole lot of patience, fisting is yours for the, well, fisting.
Now, with all that being said, make no mistake: Fisting is a varsity level sex act. It cannot be done without preparation. Shoving a fist up a vagina without proper stimulation, arousal, and all the lube in the world is going to cause pain, discomfort, and possibly tearing. Fisting takes patience, time, and adequate pacing to max out its pleasure potential. Hence why we’ve put together this comprehensive guide to this sex act, featuring everything you need to know about how to fist a partner. Let’s get educated!
What Is Fisting?
Fisting is literally when you put your entire hand up a vagina or anus—although the name is a bit misleading. Sparks explains that you definitely do not fist by making a literal fist and shoving it up people’s vaginas and bums. That, friends, is a recipe for disaster.
Rather, “Your fingers will be straight and squeezed as close together as possible to gently enter the vaginal canal,” says Sparks/\. You essentially pinch your fingers to your thumb to create a cone-like structure with your hand. Easy insertion and all that!
Why Are People Into Fisting?
“People enjoy the ‘fullness’ sensation,” says Zachary Zane, Cosmo columnist and author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto. “It can lead to incredible vaginal and anal orgasms. It’s also a very intimate act to have someone else’s entire hand inside of you.”
Psychotherapist Lee Phillips, LCSW, a certified sex and couples therapist, adds that a full fist in a vagina (or anus) stimulates more tissue than your run of the mill finger bang, which may translate to increased pleasure for some. Not to mention, there’s also a psychological component to fisting, Lee adds. “People have often reported [that] seeing their partner’s hand all the way up inside of them makes them feel ultimately loved, and that their partner is breathing life into them.” So yeah, fisting can be pretty intense on multiple levels!
Additionally, Zane notes that taking a fist can be a point of pride for some folks: “People like to test their limits to see just how much they can fit inside of them.”
Fisting: Sexual Health and Safety
As previously noted, while fisting isn’t inherently “dangerous,” it does come with certain risks and should only be executed by those who know how to do it safely. Let’s review some of the most common safety concerns, shall we?
Does Fisting Cause Bleeding?
First of all, know that any blood or spotting can be a bad sign. Winnick notes that if you notice spotting a few days after a fisting sesh, you should definitely check in with your doctor. “Sometimes fisting can cause micro-tears in the vaginal tissue,” Winnick explains. Not only are micro-tears bad news, but they can also be risky if you or your partner has an STI. Your best bet is to always practice safe fisting and to not be afraid to call your doctor should anything seem out of the ordinary.
Real Talk: Trim Your Nails and Remove Any Nail Polish
If you’re the fister, Queer porn performer Andre Shakti says you want to make sure your nails are short, rounded, and filed, and your hands are recently washed and free of cuts, abrasions, rough edges, and nail polish. You can also use latex or nitrile gloves, and if you really don’t want to cut your nails, you can always wrap the tips of your fingers in medical gauze or stuff the tips of your gloves with cotton balls to “pad” them so your partner doesn’t get clawed in the worst possible place to get clawed.
Jess Wilde, Lovehoney’s bondage and fetish expert, says you can also get a fisting mitt, which is a smooth latex mitten worn over one hand to create a barrier between the giver’s hand and the receiver’s bodily fluids. Basically, wearing the mitt is an added safety measure and reduces the risk of accidentally scratching your partner internally.
If you do go the gloves route, it’s super important to make sure the gloves fit well—any folds could be uncomfortable for the bottom. And make sure the gloves won’t cause more of a problem than they intend to solve. If your partner has a latex allergy, go with a non-latex material.
How to Prepare for Fisting
Experiment With Toys First
Trying it with some toys first can be a great place to begin. Katherin Winnick, sex coach and Deputy Editor at Letstalksex.net, says that if you’re on the receiving end of fisting, you can help stretch out your vagina and get used to the sensation by trying an inflatable dildo or butt plug (if you’re doing anal fisting). There are also specially designed sex toys meant to mimic the look and feel of a fist, if you wanna get realistic with it.
Winnick also says that having an orgasm (at least one, but if you go for multiple, do you!) can help relax your PC muscles and get ready for receiving.
Use Lube!
Lube is absolutely essential. The more lube the better. Shakti says that even if you think you’ve put enough lube on both your hand and your partner’s genitals, apply more. She recommends using a silicone lube, as it’s generally thicker and longer-lasting than water-based lube. She also says to make sure to leave lots of time to relax and experiment with your partner. Fisting is “definitely not something to try during a lunchtime quickie,” partly because it can also be super messy.
But stay away from lube that contains numbing agents! Wilde says a lot of anal-fisting lubes have numbing agents in them, but it’s a horrible idea to use them, particularly with vaginal play, because it can stop the receiver from being aware when something isn’t going well for them or is painful. The person being fisted should always be able to feel everything so they can stop play if something becomes uncomfortable, so skip these gels for sure.
Be Prepared for Some Cleanup
Speaking of mess, don’t forget the towels! As a precaution, you might want to arrange some dark-colored towels or a Liberator Throe on the bed beforehand, because with all the lube you’ll be using, the odds that it’ll leak all over your sheets are very good indeed. Better safe and dry than wet and sorry.
Fisting Tips for Beginners
Communicate
Communication is needed every single step of the way—especially if you’re a fisting newbie. Wilde says that if you’re being fisted and something feels great, tell your partner, and the same goes for anything that hurts or is uncomfortable. Shakti also recommends having a safe word since fisting can be so intense.
Get Turned On
Getting yourself super aroused can help make everything easier and more comfortable. This is definitely not a sex act where you want to rush foreplay, so take your time and use smaller toys or even just a few fingers to get your partner wet and aroused. Basically, the more aroused they are, the bigger, wider, and wetter they’ll become, which will make it a lot easier to get your whole fist inside when the time comes.
Assume the Right Position
You’re taking a fist up your vagina, babe. Striking the right pose—i.e one that maximizes comfort and ease of entry—is essential. Philips says the ideal fisting position is one that relieves tension on the receiver’s legs and hips: “The person may feel more comfortable on their back with their ankles propped up in ankle straps on a sling or on their partner’s shoulders.”
Other good options? The fistee may want to lie on their side, on their belly, or be up on all fours. Try experimenting with different positions to figure out what feels most comfortable for you and your partner.
Know the Proper Fisting Technique
Wilde recommends starting however you normally would sexually, and then move up one finger at the time until your partner can comfortably accommodate four of your fingers. Then, you can then start to move your thumb into position to create a “beak” shape with your fingers and your thumb (basically pulling your pointer and baby finger together underneath your middle finger). This allows your hand to be tapered, which is easier for slowly inserting to your partner. At that point, it’s just about getting past your knuckles, because then your full fist will form pretty naturally once you’re inside.
Make your movements small. “I tell my clients that small movements feel big,” says sex therapist and sexuality professor Erika M. Evans. Once you’re inside, try moving your wrist in small circular movements, or use your knuckles or fingers to wiggle around ever so slightly to create different sensations.
Often, having a toy to provide clitoral stimulation can be the key to getting you there. Linnea Marie, a board-certified sex educator, suggests using a clit sucker toy or a small clitoral bullet. “The vibration, stimulation, and pleasure can help relax and ease the muscles in the area,” she says. “Adding that extra layer of external stimulation can allow for a more pleasurable experience.”
Set Reasonable Expectations
Don't feel the need to compare your fisting experience to what you’ve seen in porn. Remember, porn really typically a realistic portrayal of sex, and you def shouldn't feel like you need to compare or compete with what you’ve seen online. Winnick says to keep in mind that porn actors (pros and amateurs alike) have spent hours training and prepping for a fisting scene, and then cutting and editing the footage to make a finished product. Real life and real sex isn't like that, and that’s okay!
It’s also totally fine if you can’t do it the first time or don’t get as far as you’d like. Fisting takes practice and training and prep! Winnick notes that it’s okay if the first time you try it, it doesn’t go exactly as planned or pictured.
And remember, not everyone can even take a whole fist. Shakti says only half of her partners have been able to receive a full fist, because their anatomy just couldn’t accommodate an entire hand. Everyone’s body is different, and some partners may have more physical limitations when it comes to certain sex acts. If fisting just isn’t going to happen, don’t force it! In case you missed it, there’s no shortage of ways to stimulate a vagina and/or explore anal play.
Exit Smoothly
Make sure removal is slow and steady. Shakti says that people who haven’t fisted before tend to want to yank their fist out of their partner’s body right after they’ve orgasmed, but it’s super startling and very painful for the person you’ve just fisted. She recommends just remaining still and then massaging the outside of your partner’s vagina with your other hand to relax the muscles while you slowly and carefully work the other hand out. You can also give your partner a vibrator to use on themselves to distract them from what could be a painful removal scenario, transforming it into what fisting should be overall, which is super fun and awesome.
More Tips for Experienced Fisters
Try Fisting With a Butt Plug
Now, if you feel like you really want to go for it, Marie says you can pop in a butt plug before you move into fisting. This is, like, the ultimate fullness experience. It’s basically fisting on steroids. Because the anus is also filled with sensitive nerve endings, the butt plug can up the pleasure, which can make fisting feel even more intense.
But, even if you’re ready to take it to the next level, definitely go for something small because you don’t want to totally overdo it. We like the Unbound Nudge.
Explore New Territory
Fisting can be a really good opportunity to explore some of the deep pleasure areas inside of the vagina, saysMarie. Try stimulating the A-Spot, “which is the anterior fornix erogenous zone close to the cervix and right above the bladder,” says Marie. You can also locate and stimulate the internal part of the clitoris located on the front of the vaginal wall.
Marie says you can also get after the C-Spot, which is directly on the cervix. Not every person will enjoy every spot that can be stimulated during fisting, but the combination of extreme fullness with one of these spots being gently stroked can be explosive. Try small circles with the fingers, gentle pressing, and circular motions. And, of course, don’t forget to communicate to make sure everything feels good for your partner.
Aftercare for Fisting
Fisting can be a very intense sexual act, especially if you’re new to it, so always schedule time for aftercare. “It’s a good idea to bring a fisting bottom down gently after the act, as well as staying in touch and checking in,” says Queen.
Addressing any physical discomfort or injury post-fisting is an important part of aftercare, as well. While vaginal fisting isn’t as likely to cause physical damage as rectal fisting, it is still possible (especially if you don’t use enough lube or wear a glove!).
After you’ve been fisted, Shakti says it’s possible your vagina will get incredibly sensitive, and you might even be a little sore for a day or two afterward. Using lots of lube, going slowly during sex, and drinking lots of water after helps to alleviate the discomfort, but it can still happen. Queen says you also might see some blood depending on how vigorous the sex was, or if the person is on hormone replacement therapy (which can change the delicacy of the tissue for some people), but it should stop. Queen adds that fisting injuries are pretty rare (though she does say to exercise extreme caution if the person you’re fisting has had a complete hysterectomy or vaginoplasty). But if you continue to bleed, even if it’s just a regular drip, go to the ER as soon as possible.
Long story short, fisting is a totally real, totally pleasurable sex act can absolutely be done safely if you know what TF you’re doing. Now that you’ve been properly educated, go forth and fist, my friends.
Lane Moore is an award-winning comedian, actor, writer, and musician. She is the creator of the hit comedy show Tinder Live and author of the critically acclaimed book How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don't. Moore is the front person and songwriter in the band It Was Romance, which has been praised everywhere from Pitchfork to Vogue. She has written for The Onion, The New Yorker, and was previously the Sex and Relationships editor at Cosmopolitan.
