This weekend, Senator Kamala Harris entered a South Carolina convention center dancing to a drum line and surrounded by cheering fans giving you Beltway Beyoncé realness and I will probably never recover. We have over a year before the 2020 election, but if we can keep this same energy up to election day we may actually survive it. You must watch the videos of Harris's grand entrance to the S.C. Democratic Convention for your health, your wellness, you spirit, your t-zone, your cholesterol level, and as a required question on the citizenship exam.
First of all, get into that pure unadulterated joy! We've talked about political entrance music before but any politician who isn't bopping into events like someone entering their own Grown & Sexy Birthday Party that they threw for themselves is really leaving money on the table. There is no one whose presence isn't improved by a drum line. Can you imagine Bernie Sanders backed by 40 kids playing percussion and horns and doing twirls? Give me that dissonant energy right now, please! Equitably distribute it to my eyes with a quickness.
The idea of Elizabeth Warren and a drum line legit just killed me, descended into Purgatory, waited for me to finish reading Thomas Jefferson for filth, and then brought me back to life.
Do I want Beto O'Rourke's punk interpretation of a drum line? Sure. Yes, let's just do this. Drum lines for everyone, I said. Everyone.
Harris, a proud Howard graduate, certainly knows about the power of drum lines to lift your soul, set a mood, and start you living right. The glee on her face is contagious. In this shot from the escalator itself she looks like she's riding a roller coaster. Like, the good kind. Not like the experience of logging online every day to read the news.
It's worth noting that no other candidate actually chose to make as splashy an entrance, which only makes me love Harris even more. The extraness is divine. She is definitely that relative who shows up to the family reunion blasting Frankie Beverly and Maze from her Mary Kay car, stops in the middle of the sidewalks and dances next to her open car door for a minute, before coming inside, and tossing the keys to a 13-year-old niece. This is a specific reference but this whole scene has huge Willona Woods from Good Times energy and I'm obsessed.
Up to this moment, I have been fairly certain that running for president in this climate is some sort of punishment that a secret cabal is meting out to otherwise nice, complicated people. But Senator Harris actually makes it look fun. Okay, you've convinced me: I'll run for president, too. Dust off the drums and polish the batons! I will be giving zero (0) speeches and will run a campaign comprised entirely of dancing down staircases moving and sedentary, hugging people, and accepting donations.
Why is it that riding up an escalator doesn't manifest the same energy? That's how I'm going to announce my campaign. Picture it: me, in the middle of a mall, surrounded by a drum line and people willing to write me checks. You, watching with adoration, tears in your eyes, checks in your hands. I board the escalator and ascend to my destiny as president of the second floor of this mall. Iconic. Inspirational. Patriotish!
The reasons Stephen Douglas didn't beat Lincoln is because escalators weren't invented yet and that's a historical fact you can look up on the internet if you want to.
Four years ago, almost to the day, as you may remember from the Fiery Scrolls that document this Hell Chapter, Donald Trump descended an escalator in front of an audience of paid actors who were performing enthusiasm and began his campaign.
I can't help but feel like the joyful, diverse, exuberant picture of Kamala Harris and a throng of fans descending an escalator to the sounds of a drum line is an attempt to set the universe back in order like Quantum Leap with a beat.
Maybe that's all it takes. Just bad guys riding down escalators, followed by good women dancing down escalators, over and over like a M.C. Escher painting of the soul of America. Calling all good women and talented percussionists to the top of the stairs please! Your country needs you.
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