One girl’s red flag is another girl’s right swipe. By that I mean, you might hate nothing more than a shirtless mirror picture, but that exact photo could be the deal-sealer for someone else. With that said, there’s one big ol’ warning sign that EVERYONE should run from...and it’s a dude who self-identifies as a “nice guy.”
You’ve seen their sappy Tinder bios, and you’ve heard their drunken “nice guys finish last” rants at parties. They’re the constantly mopey dudes who take almost everything personally, even if it has nothing to do with them. Their backbones are MIA because they have formed an entire personality around being less evil than men who are supposedly shittier. At first glance, they seem harmless, but be warned: They are toxic as hell. Nice guys never actually do anything positive for you. Instead, they complain when they’re unlucky in love, despite the minimal effort they’ve put in. Basically, nice guys just sit around until given an opportunity to blame their singleness on the fact that they’re “too good.” Just take a look at Cam Ayala from Bachelor in Paradise. He’s the perfect example.
Last night, Cam got sent home after a few ridiculously pathetic attempts at love. (I’m still cringing over his inability to display any chill while pursuing Caelynn. He gives me the creeps.) The Bachelorette alum was counting on Onyeka to give him a rose, but she decided to send herself home because she knew that she did not have a genuine connection with anyone on the beach. Cam—who basically begged Onyeka to choose him because nobody else was interested in her—had an unsurprisingly sour response to his elimination.
“It’s a little disheartening. Right now, it seems that the [censored, thanks ABC] in Paradise are rewarded,” Cam whined in the back seat of the SUV. “The women, they claim they want a good guy, but the minute one appears in front of them, they end up with the [censored]. I came here for a pure experience, and boys like Blake get rewarded, and that’s just not me. It’s pretty messed up."
Whew! There is a lot to unpack there. First of all, Blake didn’t get rewarded. Yeah, he got to stay in Mexico (thanks to Kristina), but Hannah picked the impossibly patient Dylan over Blake. Second, Cam is NOT a nice guy! He is manipulative and pitiful. The minute a woman does give him a chance, he blows it by instantly activating Stage Five Clinger mode and pushing her away with his obsessive behavior. The guy had ONE solid conversation with Caelynn before whipping up some wedding vows, in which he literally said, “I lick my lower lip and your jalapeño-rita spice still lingered, and it brought me so much joy.” Please take it down a notch, sir!
While it might be harsh to hold Cam’s creepiness against him, his manipulation is even worse. On The Bachelorette, he chronicled every kinda-unfortunate thing that’s ever happened to him in an attempt to keep a spot on the show. When Mike Johnson called him out for it—and Hannah B. sent him home—he never once considered that he was at fault. Instead, Cam blamed Mike for meddling without realizing that his sob-story strategy was desperate.
Men like Cam aren’t nice guys that women avoid because they have some sick obsession with being mistreated. These men are opportunists who lack any actual redeeming qualities. Imagine if Onyeka did fall for Cam’s mind games and gave him a rose? At the best, she’d be settling for a guy who saw her as a one-trip ticket to a wedding. At worst, she’d end up with some serious Cam-inflicted self-esteem issues. Onyeka took a lose-lose situation into her own hands and turned it into a win-win, because she refused to fall for his nice-guy scam.
So, the next time you find yourself being lazily pursued by a self-proclaimed nice guy, GTFO of that situation as quickly as humanly possible. Would you wake up with a tequila hangover and immediately start chugging vodka just because it’s different? No! You’re only giving him the time of day because he seems like a change of pace from your more openly problematic ex. Mix in a water, girl.
