It’s hard not to be at least a little curious about what goes on when guys masturbate. Whether it’s because it’s done in the privacy of their own spaces or because it just seems kinda foreign compared to the way women masturbate, the whole process leaves us with a lot of questions. Thankfully, this is a safe space, and we’ve got answers to ALL your pressing (and not-so-pressing) questions about male masturbation habits thisaway.
Do guys ever try to suck their own dick?
Some guys who can, do. But as one friend of mine (who can) pointed out, it’s less about masturbation for him and more like a circus trick to be performed in front of others. Contorting your whole body that way every single time you want to get off would get tiring (and the risk of injury is potentially too high to be worth it).
Do guys normally always jizz the same amount? Do they ever notice if their jizz is less or more that day?
Not usually, unless it’s an abnormally large amount like, say, if he hasn’t masturbated in a while. Think about the fluid you produce when you’re turned on. You don’t typically measure it, but if the quantity produced is so large that it shocks you, yeah, you’ll take note of it.
How common is it for guys to want to stick their finger up their ass while masturbating?
It really depends from person to person. Some guys just *know* they’re ass dudes and love it, others don’t really get into it on their own. Just like female masturbation, there’s no correct or incorrect technique of going about it, as long as it makes you feel good and gets you off.
How often do men masturbate? A day? A week?
Again, it depends on the person and their individual sex drive. That being said, most men masturbate by habit. Aka every night before going to sleep, on Saturday mornings when they can sleep in, or some other time that’s ritualistic and/or convenient for them.
Do guys ever talk about masturbation with their guy friends? Like how some female friends discuss sex toys?
Most guys don’t. Whether this is due to stigma or cultural stuff or maybe just a lack of fun male sex toys on the market, it’s hard to say.
How often do guys do it purely out of boredom?
It happens, and it’s definitely easy for most guys to think, I’ve got some time to kill, and force themselves to be aroused. More likely, though, it happens when we’re clicking around online or doing whatever and the mood strikes. It’s more like, You know what, I feel like a bag of chips, like, 75 percent of the time and, Man, I guess I’ll see if something is on TV, only about 25 percent of the time.
Is using a sock actually a thing?
It is. To my knowledge, there hasn’t been a study on what percentage of guys actually use it. Most will just finish in a tissue or catch it with their hand. And most of the time, even guys who are coming in a sock or something are still washing them afterward. But not always. I present to you Reddit’s infamous “cum box” (NSFWork/life, obviously).
Do guys ever use their other hand for extra stimulation? (Like that spot between the shaft and scrotum?)
Sure. There are no hard numbers on how guys masturbate. Surprisingly, no one is pouring funding and research into this topic. But while just using a hand and some lotion is probably the most typical, massaging the perineum and stimulating the prostate are definitely things some guys elect to do.
Speaking of hands, is the “ghost” hand real? Like, do guys ever sit on their hand until it goes numb in order to have it feel like another person?
Guys have probably tried just about everything when it comes to masturbation techniques, especially when puberty rolls up and drives them insane with hormones. So is it real in that guys have tried it? Definitely. Is it real in the sense that it’s a “go-to” technique for a sizable portion of the male population? I can answer this one less confidently, but probably not. There are likely very few people who prefer to masturbate that way versus doing it the old-fashioned way.
Do guys do it in the shower when we’re in the other room?
Not all the time, but yeah. Guys can have healthy sex lives with you and still masturbate. It just means their sex drive is high.
How do you clean up?
This varies from guy to guy. Cleanup usually involves just washing our hands (with soap, hopefully). If we used lotion, it’ll pretty much be absorbed by the skin, but with lube, we might need to splash some water on our dick. Some will use a tissue, which usually makes cleanup pretty painless. And this is really, really rare, but some guys will even use a condom.
Do guys use anything besides their hand?
Toys like the Fleshlight definitely sell, but most guys won’t admit to using them. However, I can pretty much guarantee that any kid who grew up with the internet tried to make one of these warm-water-bag-glove-lotion hybrids. Because 15-year-old boys will literally fuck a bag. Most guys just use their hand though. Most convenient.
Do guys ever accidentally ejaculate on themselves?
Yeah, even the most careful and prudent of masturbators will occasionally have to deal with errant semen. Either you don’t ready yourself in time or you don’t quite cover the head of the penis and the semen goes flying. Honestly, if it lands on us, we’re lucky. Otherwise, we’ve got to set up one of those CSI ballistics kits to figure out where it might have landed.
Do guys think about their girlfriend/wife/boyfriend/partner when they masturbate?
Some guys do, but for most guys, this would be a hard no. It really depends on whether or not masturbating to people they know feels weird to them. Some guys have a tough time using their imaginations and need to rely on porn. Others might just want something different during their “special alone time.” Although the term is kind of antiquated, “myspaceterbating” is the act of jerking off to someone’s social media page, so now you know that can happen.
What is the preferred lotion of masturbators everywhere?
I don’t want to call out a specific brand, but really any good hand cream works. A substantial amount of guys go dry though, believe it or not. Some men find it uncomfortable, depending on whether they’re circumcised and how much skin they have around their penis. It’s easier for guys with extra (fore)skin to masturbate dry without uncomfortable friction.
Where do guys masturbate when they want to be stealthy?
Bathroom. This is hopefully the only answer. I don’t want to think about men shamefully masturbating while crouching in their attic or standing there jerking off in a dark garage.
Do guys like to take their time or do they just hit an orgasm as fast as possible?
This is another case where every guy is different, but most men can either feel their orgasm creep up on them and follow through or pace themselves. It’s all about speed versus distance and what we’re feeling in the moment. Some men will hunt around until they find a video they like and commit. Others will click around until they find one they think they can finish to.
Do guys masturbate to porn because that’s what they want their sex lives to be like?
I really hope not. Everyone’s been there once or twice (or 90 times), where you’re just like, What the hell did I just masturbate to? Arousal lowers our inhibitions, and what turns us on also doesn’t mean it’s necessarily what we want to experience personally. Plus, don’t forget that most porn is still directed with the viewer in mind, not the pleasure of both participants.
Do guys ever smell/taste their own jizz?
I was going to say this is hard to answer, but fuck it. The answer is yes. At some point, a guy has thought, How do girls do this? and gently touched their tongue to it. There are two kinds of guys: guys who tried it once and liars.
Can guys get off without being fully hard?
Not really, no. You don’t always need to have the biggest and best boner you’ve ever had, but you’re not going to be able to rub one out flaccid.
When watching porn and masturbating, do guys have to try not to orgasm immediately?
Typically, no, unless they have a condition that would cause them to be prone to premature ejaculation. But beyond a literal immediate orgasm, every guy is going to run out his masturbation clock differently. Some might try to crank it out as quickly as possible with whatever is on the front page of some porn site. Some might take their time with a series of preselected videos. Others might take it as a personal challenge to see exactly how long they can last. But just like with sex, it’s not as if being sexually stimulated automatically means he needs to fight the urge to orgasm.
Have most guys tried sticking their dick in food?
This is another purely anecdotal answer, but I’d be very surprised if a considerable number of guys hadn’t at least tried to use something other than their hands to masturbate, with varying degrees of success. If it can be penetrated in some way, some horny pioneer has made an attempt. There are people out there who have sex with couches and plenty of other things that weren’t intended to have someone inside them and/or be inside someone. Plus, when American Pie came out, I’m pretty sure a lot of warm pastries got thrown in the trash, smashed up and uneaten. But to be clear, “tried it once” and having half their monthly grocery bill consist of fuck-able foods are two different things.
This post was originally published in 2016 and has been updated.
