Dear Carolyn
Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Hi, Carolyn: My boyfriend of six months has a best friend, “John,” who now lives in another country, which has notorious gender inequality and poverty. We’re all in our early 30s. My boyfriend was always at John’s beck and call, and I sense John resents my appearance on the scene. John has asked my boyfriend to host two of John’s female friends for a week while they visit our city. They are single and in their early 20s.
I get the very strong impression it is a setup and John is trying to break us up. I feel like I’m being controlling, but I have told my boyfriend I do not want these women to stay with him. I think he would have otherwise agreed, but told John the women couldn’t stay with him. John has now cut him off completely and my boyfriend blames me for breaking up their friendship.
Even if I was out of line, I feel if it were truly just about hosting, that would be no reason to end a friendship. I would appreciate your perspective.
— Girlfriend
DEAR GIRLFRIEND: I’m not sure you will.
Mainly, I’m thinking it’s good you’ve put in only six months on this loser bet.
Your boyfriend blames you for breaking up their friendship? And you’re all in your 30s?
He couldn’t own his own decision, or make a different one if he disagreed with you?
John cut off a “best” friendship completely over this crap show?
You find it credible that a man would send a hot young breakup squad to his “best” friend’s home?
You find it credible enough that this gambit would actually work that you would feel compelled to bar the door to it?
There’s no answer here, there’s just a do-over. These two men are acting like children. You are, if not on their emotional level yourself, putting up with a man who has chosen to act like a child. Please just start over.
And I don’t mean with your boyfriend. I mean with this as your new mantra: Choose carefully, trust justifiably, live drama-free.
Re: Girlfriend: I’ll take one for the team — send the hot young breakup squad my way. It will be emotionally draining to be used in such a way, but if it helps out my fellow travelers in life, I will make the sacrifice.
— Fellow Traveler
DEAR FELLOW TRAVELER: Tears. I salute your courage.
Re: Girlfriend: I’m unclear on what the country’s “gender inequality and poverty” has to do with this. Can anyone clue me in?
— Unclear
DEAR UNCLEAR: I noticed that, too, and suspected it had something to do with a culturally ingrained female subservience to men, and I was already so grossed out by the whole thing that I hit a blue error screen in my head. So I punted.
And it’s my column, so I can mix whatever metaphors I want.
Re: Girlfriend: A controlling girlfriend has succeeded in cutting her boyfriend off from his best friend, and has convinced you to condemn the boyfriend as immature? Nice work if you can get it, I suppose.
— Anonymous
DEAR ANONYMOUS: Nice interpretation if you can twist it, I suppose.
Plus I suggested she was just as immature and advised a breakup, exactly what you’d want in your scenario, but, roger.