You know what annoys me on an annual basis?
Holiday creep. AKA Christmas creep. (Festivus creep?)
Hanukkah moves around on its own relative to the Gregorian calendar each year so I’m fuzzier on its creep capacity.
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Anyway, with winter holiday music and paraphernalia hitting airwaves and stores and homes and lawns earlier (it seems, but also my sense of time has become super warped since Trump took office) each year, we’re also confronted with the earlier advent of another essential seasonal tradition.
I mean, you can’t have Christmas creep without War on Christmas creep.
Time of the Season: Because Republican lawmakers in Wisconsin must lie awake at night thinking of ways to annoy their Democratic governor, the latest controversy in the Badger State is centered on what to call the capitol’s seasonal tree.
- Last week, Gov. Evers announced this year’s tree theme—“Celebrate Science”—and asked kids to submit science-themed ornaments for bedecking purposes.
- In his announcement, Evers referred to the seasonal evergreen as a “holiday tree.”
Cue the histrionics.
- Scott Walker, who is extremely not governor any more and apparently has too much time on his hands, took to Twitter and TV to denounce the “renaming” of the tree from “Christmas tree” to “holiday tree” ...
- … conveniently neglecting to mention the fact that Walker himself rechristened the tree in 2011.
- Before then-Gov. Walker decreed the evergreen a “Christmas tree,” it had been called a holiday tree for 25 years.
But forget about the loser who doesn't matter.
- Current GOP Assembly and Senate leaders jumped on this chance to publicly take a dump on Evers because of something as hugely consequential as what to call a tree that’s going to be around for a whole two months.
- And because what to call a freaking tree is SO IMPORTANT, Republicans decided to spend a full 33 minutes and 44 seconds this week on a resolution changing the name of the 2019 Holiday Tree to the Wisconsin State Christmas Tree.
- The time spent on NAMING A TREE dwarfs the time GOP lawmakers spent last week considering gun safety legislation in a special session to do just that called by Evers.
- The thing is, the legislature has to convene when a governor calls a special session.
- But it doesn’t have to actually do anything.
- Which is why Republican lawmakers gaveled in the special session and then gaveled it out about 15 seconds later without, obviously, considering a single gun safety measure.
- Never mind that 80% of Wisconsinites support expanded background checks for firearm sales—including almost 70% of gun owners.
Because everyone knows that guns don’t kill people. Holiday trees kill people.
Too Much Time On My Hands: While we’re in this neck of the woods, let’s check in on Michigan, where GOP legislative majorities are, like their Wisconsin neighbors, mad about having a Democratic governor for the first time in eight years.
- Senate Majority Leader Mike Shirkey recently did a college radio interview in which he compared abortion to slavery.
- His spokesperson has since tried to walk the comments back a bit, attempting to explain that he was comparing the divisiveness of abortion and slavery, not actual abortion and slavery.
Sure, Jan.
- In this interview, by the by, Shirkey was addressing legislation Democrats have recently introduced that would expand abortion rights and access to reproductive health care.
But this isn’t all Shirkey’s been up to recently.
- The Republican-controlled Michigan legislature is locked in an ongoing battle with Gov. Gretchen Whitmer over some “loose ends” regarding the state budget.
Weird, Republicans didn’t seem to mind a Republican governor having and using this power for the past eight years.
Time Is On My Side: As an erudite reader of this missive (or perhaps just as someone who hasn’t been living under a rock for the past week or so), you know that Democrats succeeded in winning legislative majorities in both the Virginia House and Senate last week for the first time since the mid-1990s.
- And Democrats are already making moves to shake things up.
- They’ve already selected Del. Eileen Filler-Corn as the next House speaker—the first woman and first Jewish person to hold this post in the legislature’s 400 year history.
- Del. Charniele Herring will be the be both the first woman and first person of color to hold the position of House majority leader.
- Speaker-designee Filler-Corn has already selected chairs of four key House committees (Appropriations, Finance, Commerce and Labor, Education).
- Three of those chairs will be people of color, and three will be women.
- The last time someone who wasn’t white chaired a House committee was 1998 (when Democrats had already lost the majority but still held the speakership and committee chairs, thanks to some parliamentary sleight of hand).
- But Republicans technically still run the Virginia General Assembly. And there’s time yet for them to pull some shenanigans.
- … such as cancelling that session they promised to reconvene after the election to consider gun safety legislation.
- Last summer, Gov. Ralph Northam called lawmakers to Richmond in the wake of the mass shooting in Virginia Beach to pass some bills addressing gun violence.
- Old Dominion Republicans set a great example for their Wisconsin brethren by gaveling in the session and gaveling it out again 90 minutes later without considering a single gun bill.
- Three days after losing their House and Senate majorities, Republicans cancelled the session. Shocking, I know.
- And this week, just before this session was slated to reconvene, the commission released its report.
But get this: Virginia Republicans could wreak still more havoc before the new Democratic majorities are sworn in in January.
- You see, Virginia’s judges are elected by the legislature.
- Which means Republicans have been selecting judges in the commonwealth for quite some time.
- And technically, GOP leadership can call lawmakers back to Richmond in the next month and a half to pick some more judges.
- Depending on the nature of the judgeship, they’ll serve either six (district courts) or eight (circuit and Court of Appeals) years (Virginia Supreme Court justices serve 12 years, but there are currently no vacancies there).
- According to a spokesman for the Virginia Senate Republican Caucus, GOP lawmakers have absolutely not ruled out such a late-game power grab.
If I Could Turn Back Time: Let’s wrap on something upbeat. Ish. Upbeatish.
Because while the resolution is positive, it took North Carolina Republicans waaaaaaaaaay too long to get here.
Forty years, in fact.
Because it took until 2019 for the Tar Heel State to finally outlaw rape.
- Just a few weeks ago, the GOP majorities in the legislature finally got around to sending Democratic Gov. Roy Cooper a bill closing a loophole in the state’s sexual assault statutes that prevented someone from being charged with rape for continuing to engage in a sexual act after a partner revoked consent to that act.
You read that right.
- Thanks to a 1979 court decision, “no” didn’t actually mean “no” in North Carolina if you say it after you’ve already said “yes” to sex.
- Democrats have been introducing legislation to correct this flaw in the law for years.
- The new law even goes a little further.
- Now drugging someone’s drink is illegal, and the “incapacitation loophole” that allows assailants to skate because the victim was already in a “vulnerable state” has been closed.
- Also, the statute of limitations for child sex crime victims has been extended.
- North Carolina Republican leadership previously failed to see the urgency in updating the state’s rape laws.
Welp, that’s it for this week. I think it’s time for you to knock off, get an early start on your weekend. I bet it’s been The Longest Time since you relaxed. Just Let The Good Times Roll. Just print this out and show it to your boss—you’re Always On Time, so I’m sure she won’t mind.