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One Key Trait Influential Leaders Can’t Do Without

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“If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.

I think Dr. King captures it perfectly in this quote. He’s talking about resilience. Developing resilience largely depends on how we perceive and respond to adversity. Essentially, how well we embrace the inevitable obstacles of life. Belief in the mission and having an emotional connection to a desired outcome are crucial for pushing the boundaries of our comfort zone, developing ourselves and others and becoming resilient leaders.

In 2000, I made the most significant decision of my life at the time. I quit my relatively lucrative job as a financial analyst with a global real estate development company to join the United States Navy. The objective? Successfully navigate what is arguably the most challenging special operations training and selection program in the world to become a Navy SEAL. Little did I know that the following months and years would change my perception of adversity forever. 

How do we develop resilience?

Do some people have larger sums in their resilience bank account than others?

How can we make more deposits than withdrawals?

Does it happen naturally over time or can we train ourselves to be more mentally tough?

The answer is simple. Resilience is like any muscle. With focus and determination you can strengthen your mind to overcome any obstacle, tackle any challenge, become a great leader and live an extraordinary life.

After transitioning back to civilian life, one of the ways I have continued my service is to mentor young men through the SEAL program. Before investing my limited time in being a mentor, and knowing most of these young men could fail in their attempt, I needed a process for selecting the candidates. I needed to answer the key questions: Which of these guys have the grit to get it done? Why do some spend years preparing only to quit on Day 1 while others crush training with a smile on their face?

Admittedly, my program is very informal but I still needed to use the time invested wisely. So I asked, a high-ranking SEAL Commander and fellow board member of the SEAL Family Foundation if NSW had conducted any research to define the mental, emotional, cognitive and physical attributes of candidates more likely to graduate the course - which is well over a year of extremely demanding training and an attrition rate that scares most off before they even sign up. And of those highly capable students that begin, only about fifteen percent earn their Trident pin and go to a team.

Upon further inquiry, I boiled what the Commander told me down into what I refer to as the Three Ps: Persistence, Purpose and Passion. 

That’s it. Sure, you won’t even be accepted into the course unless you’re in peak physical condition. And the academic standards are no joke either. But none of that matters, especially in the first six months of the program which is called BUD/S (Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL). Achieving any lofty goal or overcoming life’s seemingly insurmountable challenges require passion, purpose and persistence. The three Ps aid in the necessary emotional connection for high levels of achievement be it becoming a Navy SEAL, getting into Harvard or beating cancer. 

In my firm’s leadership development programs, one of the key learning modules is on resilience. How to develop resilience in ourselves and others. We break the definition of resilience into three categories:

Challenge

Resilient people view difficulty as a challenge, not as a paralyzing event. They look at their failures and mistakes as lessons to be learned from, and as opportunities for growth. In our words, they embrace adversity better than others because they lean in. 

Commitment

Resilient people are deeply committed to their lives and their goals, and they have a compelling reason to get out of bed in the morning. Largely, their passions have more to do with giving back than personal desires.

Control 

Resilient people spend their time and energy focusing on situations and events that they have control over. And because they put their efforts where they can have the most impact, they feel empowered and confident.

We also teach Carol Dweck’s philosophies on Growth VS Fixed Mindset. Carol S. Dweck is the Lewis and Virginia Eaton Professor of Psychology at Stanford University. Dweck is known for her work on the mindset psychological trait. She taught at Columbia University, Harvard University, and the University of Illinois before joining the Stanford University faculty in 2004. Dweck says, “In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment.” 

Growth and Fixed mindsets can be further broken into five categories: Skills, Challenges, Effort, Feedback, Setbacks.

When we become trapped by a fixed mindset we believe our skills are essentially defined at birth. Challenges are to be avoided at all costs. Feedback is taken personally as opposed to useful data to learn from. Setbacks are based on external factors and result in discouragement. 

A growth mindset is the bedrock of resilience. Skills and success come from hard work and dedication. The status quo is never enough. People with a growth mindset are comfortable being uncomfortable. Transparent feedback is not just accepted but craved and setbacks are just another bump in the road fueling the fire to push forward.

A growth mindset is essential for effective leadership in special operations, a winning sports team or any high-performance organization. Especially when leading in highly dynamic environments.

Interestingly, resilience presents a challenge for psychologists. Whether you can be said to have it or not largely depends not on any particular psychological test but on the way your life unfolds. If you are lucky enough to never experience any sort of adversity, you won’t know how resilient you are. It’s only when you’re faced with obstacles, stress, and other environmental threats that resilience, or the lack of it, emerges: Do you succumb or do you surmount?

Nothing great in this world comes without a little bit of adversity. Nothing amazing happens inside our comfort zones. Whether we are talking about getting a promotion, transforming an organization, nurturing a  marriage, mastering a sport, battling disease, dealing with the loss of a loved one, raising children, overcoming bigotry and hatred or hunting terrorists, a little bit of suffering will always be attached. That’s why the things we love and work hard for are rewarding.

Let’s take this day to reflect on the resilient leaders we admire who have risked it all to follow their passions and purpose to make the world a better place.

I am never out of the fight. - Navy SEAL Ethos

Check out my website