Q: I have a 6½ -year-old first-grade boy in the first few weeks of virtual school. How can I help him with listening and following directions? The teacher will release them with an assignment, and he doesn't have much recall about what he's supposed to do. I'm keeping an ear on the classroom as best I can, but it seems he should be able to remember her two-step directions. I don't mean he should be able to do them on his own necessarily, but at least remember what he was told. We're seeing this in other areas at home, too.
A: One thing that has become abundantly clear during virtual schooling is how much is truly required for our children to learn — and learn well. From a thoughtful and interesting curriculum to fun assignments to organization to the “herding cats” aspect of it all, parents are beginning to truly understand the importance of first-grade teachers. It is fulfilling and tiring work.
What has also become clear is how much we may not know about what is typical for a 6½ -year-old learner and, particularly, what is typical for your child. Average 6½ -year-olds are incredible people. They tend to be confident physically, are more concerned with friendships and fairness, and are beginning to understand complex concepts. Six-year-olds appreciate the emotional landscape of another person and can easily slide into being little. Academically, they are working on correlating signs (+ and - meaning adding and subtracting) to real action. They are early readers and have a firm grip on the difference between reality and make-believe.
So, why can’t your son remember two-step directions as soon as he leaves class? It’s not a willpower issue. Hang a note where you can see it every day, and make it your mantra to remember this. Your son is not trying to be lazy or forgetful; he is simply finished with that work and moving on.
A good teacher knows the basic need of every first-grader: keep it visual and repeat, repeat, repeat. Yes, first-graders are on their way to maturity, but they are still often hijacked by big emotions, the need to move their bodies and the need to play. This is not wrong or problematic; it is typical of a 6-year-old. You can also take yourself off the hook for being perfect, because, last time I checked, you don’t have a degree in early education.
The good news is that you know what doesn’t work for your son. He doesn’t remember the assignment. His brain is already moving on to the next thing (probably a snack or playing), so it is not useful to assume that this will change soon.
Instead, he needs you to write the assignment down with him. Or the teacher needs to make the assignments clear and accessible for every parent to find. Better yet? No assignments! Asking 6-year-olds to sit in front of a computer to learn when they are physical beings — and easily distracted — is enough for them. The extra assignments are, well, extra, and I don’t feel they are worth forcing your son to sit down again. If it is reading he needs, read with him. If it is math, have him play with counting coins. If it is writing, have him write two silly sentences to share at dinner.
The point is, we have a long school year in front of us. Please reach out to the teacher for support and to help you create an easy plan. We don’t want to repeat misery every day, we don’t want your son to hate learning and we don’t want your relationship with your son to suffer over (possibly) unnecessary assignments.
Finally, insert joy and have fun with your son whenever possible. Let him know, using specific details, how well he is doing and how proud you are of him. An encouraged child wants to learn more, so keep up the positivity. Good luck.
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