Regardless of whether you've dabbled in car sex or not, you know that some people seem to have, uh, strong opinions about it. I know a few women who love it, I know some that hate it, and I know others who are only opting for car sex currently because they need to have sex somewhere besides their bed. (...Touché).
Admittedly, I do see some pros to car sex in general: Not only is it a nice change of pace, but you can also easily mix things up by restraining yourself or your partner with a seatbelt (oh, hiiii, BDSM play).
But with every pro comes a con, and, as with any new sexual venture, you’re bound to hit a few speed bumps along the way (no pun intended). It's a lot of trial and error (mostly error), but nonetheless, you’re trying something new.
Worst case scenario: It’ll make for a fun story you’ll laugh about one day. But until then, here’s a list of things us women are thinking while we sex in a motor vehicle:
- We’re banging in the car. I am totally not nervous about this at all!
- Can people see us? I should’ve upgraded to those tinted windows when I had the chance.
- There’s absolutely no room up here. The front seat was a bad choice.
- My leg is cramping. The sales dude said this car had lots of legroom when I bought it. Apparently he was just trying to get his commission.
- Let’s try the back seat. It seems more sex-friendly.
- Okay, there’s somehow less room back here. The floor is covered with ketchup packets and crusty French fries. Kinda forgot about those.
- This is embarrassing – there are so many fast food wrappers. How much McDonald's can a person eat?
- Maybe doggy is the way to go? It seems the most spatially accommodating.
- Okay, no. You're slamming my head into the door handle.
- Let me get on top. I really feel like this is gonna work.
- This isn’t working either. I’m just worried about making eye contact with anyone passing by.
- We haven’t tried missionary yet. That’s what the backseat is for, right?
- You’re on my hair. I know space is limited but you’re gonna have to find another place for your hand.
- My foot’s stuck in the seatbelt. Can I get some assistance please?
- Should we try the trunk? No, that’s an insane suggestion.
- But...no, you’re right. Stupid idea.
- Maybe the roof? I’m grasping at straws here.
- At least there’s room up there (and fresh air – it smells like old burgers in here).
- Jack and Rose didn’t have these issues in The Titanic. Then again, it was a movie and they weren’t actually having sex.
- Someone just honked at us. At least I think it was at us.
- Yep, that was definitely directed towards us. I saw them wink as they drove by.
- It’s possible we didn’t do the best job finding a hiding spot. To be fair, I didn’t think this many people would be out driving around at 8 p.m. on a Tuesday.
- Remind me why we got fully naked? I don’t think that was necessary.
- Can I get arrested for this? No really, can m
- We should have an excuse ready. “Sorry officer, I was just looking for my phone and I see better naked.”
- That’s believable, right? I’d buy it.
- It’s so hot in here. Can we crack a window?
- Bad idea. Now everyone can see us and hear us.
- Plus we just let every bug in the neighborhood in. Nothing sexier than a mosquito bite.
- I’m out of ideas. I don’t know any positions that won't end with a trip to the ER.
- Let’s just call it a day. We gave it our best try.
- Hey, McDonald’s is still open. Maybe a Big Mac and a large fry will save the night.
- Note to self: Next time you wanna have sex in the car, do it in something bigger than a Honda Civic.
